The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[JayT]

I just killed my box of wine.  Do I go out and get moar?  Some beer?  Or jump right back on the vodka train toot toot!  I don't know what I am cooking tonight, but it will most likely be interesting.

 

[texas blues]

Go with teh hosky.
 
Keep vodka for backup.
 
Get more box wine cheapness so mrs. JayT can have some too.
 
Buy an extra box and rathole it in the garage for 'mergencies n' sheeit.

 

[JayT]

That's where this one I just finished came from.  I forgot I even had it.

 

[JayT]

Well, the choice was vodka and tea.  The dinner is one of my favorites, and I know it happens to be near and dear to The TB's heart.  I am working on getting drunkft again.  I didn't take a pic of the vodka and tea as you have seen it a hundred times, but it is here, trust.  In fact, I brewed Oolong tea today with the leftover tea I had from smoking the wings for that contest.,  Anyway, Wild caught Alaskan Sockeye Meuniere over wild and brown rice.   The salmon was just sprinkled with sea salt and black pepper then pan seared skin side down for about six minutes.  Flip and add some diced onions and garlic to a side of the pan to begin building the sauce.  After the fish is done, take it out, deglaze with white wine and add a stick of butter, the juice from a lemon, and a small handful of rinsed capers.  Cook down the sauce for a couple minutes, serve the salmon over the rice and pour the pan sauce over it all.  Dig it.
 

 

 

 

 

 
Good day of eating at my house!

 

[Scovie]

Ding! Ding! Ding! That is the winner. Look at that fish fat! Look at it! Yuuuuuuuuuum.

Perfect sauce for that fish Jay. Knocked it out of the park bro.

 

[Tinnie]

very tired and a little help from vitamin B and coke, i drew a liddle inspiration from another thread and decided to pimp my cheap a$$ lasagna......
 

 

 

 

 

[texas blues]

Tinnie that lasagna is cheapass GOLD!
 
Love it.
 
That is exactly what Drunken Chef is all about.
 
Wait.
 
What's an Aussie doin' 'drankin Turkey?
 
 
Jay do me a favor.
 
Take that salmon and 'tho it in the backyard.
 
So I can roll like a dog in it.
 
You know me and salmon and you did it up just how I like to be liking it.
 
It looks so very succulent and I want to have sex with that pheesh.
 
Chingalingus!

 

[JayT]

You know me and salmon and you did it up just how I like to be liking it.
 
It looks so very succulent and I want to have sex with that pheesh.
 
Chingalingus!

 
sex with fish?  whoa...

 

[grantmichaels]

Jay's fish makes me want to try a bite of salmon just to be sure I still don't like it ... I'd hate to be missing out on something that looks so tasty ...
 
I'm also into the pimped lasagna, actually ... made me smile a little bit ...

 

[JayT]

I gotta give The TB credit for reminding me of that sauce a few years ago.  I had made it before, but it was seeing him make it that brought it back into the repertoire.  That is definitely one of my favorite meals, and other than the butter, one of the healthiest meals I have had in a while.

 

[Tinnie]

Cheers tb.... me and the turkey are real close.... almost as close as me and Jack

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Not quite cheffing, but this is to do with drunkeness.... I just bought a 4 pack of 12% bourbon and coke drinks on special as a treat after a long, hot day at work, get home, tuck in, and as I was going to grab another one from the fridge, I notice that one of the cans was a 10 percenter. Either, some douchebag customer before me was trying to be funny, or I got ripped off!!!
 

 

[JayT]

Bwahahahaha FO got drunk and forgot the food!

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Bwahahahaha FO got drunk and forgot the food!

 
I did make some drunk buffalo wings at my boss's party last weekend.  They were a hit. One guy was pissed off when he discovered that they ran out. My boss was panting for air after 2 bites, I told him to drink milk if it was painful but he insisted that he couldn't mix beer with milk LOL!!! My Sri Lanken mate was smashing 'em like it was nothing. I also ate 7 of 'em, but NOT at the same time and I did sweat like hell and blew my nose like 5000 times and did shed the odd tear  A couple of other mates that did try it said that the flavour was good, but was too hot to tolerate.
 
One guy shit himself when he saw that the wings were "red", he took a dab of the sauce on his finger and raved about the flavour, but at the same time he said it was extremely hot and didn't actually try the wings themselves. 
 
Basically, the verdict was: Excellent flavour..... quite pleasant at the first bite, then the PAIN started building up....
 
They looked like this - this pic was not from the party, but the ingredients and appearance of the finished product were the same. I should also note that I was infact drunk when I made these. 
 

 

[texas blues]

Full Overcast = WINNING
 
Even when drunk Aussie's still shit awesome and piss excellence.

 

[Hells Kitchen]

edit

 

[JoynersHotPeppers]

Ding! Ding! Ding! That is the winner. Look at that fish fat! Look at it! Yuuuuuuuuuum.

Perfect sauce for that fish Jay. Knocked it out of the park bro.

Actually it is not fat but albumin and there are tricks to keep from getting it but this is drunk chef and I'd hit that plate! 

 

[Chewi]

Actually it is not fat but albumin and there are tricks to keep from getting it but this is drunk chef and I'd hit that plate! 

made up word!!       ^^^^^^^^

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Made some drunk Buffalo wings last night.  My friends at work suggested that I call them "Wings of Rage" after I made the recipe for them at a party the other week.
 
One guy loved them so much he actually went out and bought the same death sauce I use in it. This time though, no death sauce as I had work the next day (albeit at 2pm) and I had to keep my digestive tract reasonably intact. 
 
Saw some bright red Habaneros for sale at a local green grocer, I will puree some of these into the sauce next time.
 
Without further adooooooo, here is my drunk pictures of my drunk "wings of rage"
 
The splooge

 
Deep frying gives me a certain pleasure

 
There is one golden rule in life: Unhealthy = great taste

 
I've gone upper class and started giving a crap about meticulous presentation

 
And the final product

 

 

 

[texas blues]

Nice 'wangs.
 
Deep fried any 'thang is magic.
 
And who don't like splooge?
 
Shinola!