The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[Hells Kitchen]

BBQ'd ribs... not quite as soft as I hoped after 3 hours on low indirect heat, but pretty nice all the same. Brown sugar, Liquid smoke and Jack Daniels for caramalisation. I coated the ribs in dry rub and brown sugar before cooking, and then after 3 hours I added a Light glaze of BBQ and Habanero sauce mixture then grilled full tilt for 2 mins each side. These were quite hot and the flavour was bloody ace. 
 

 

 

 

[JayT]

I'm diggin that big time!  Pretty sure that would not last me more than a day and a half though.  Definitely not three days.  Can't wait to see the rest.

 

[texas blues]

For true the ribs look absolutely chingonalicious.
 
But I have to give 2 dings.
 
Ding 1 ~ no pics of the booze or hosky he was drinkin'. The JD used on the ribs doesn't count.
 
Ding 2 ~ liquid smoke.
 
I give it a little chingon.

 

[geeme]

 
Hosky sighting: Lower-right
 
But yeah, best to include with plate-up pics, too. Looks tasty, regardless!

 

[JayT]

TB fail...

 

[texas blues]

Okay then I'll concede and admit I missed the hosky in the initial post.
 
So only one ding for the liquid smoke.
 
And I'll revise the rating to chingon.

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Alright, so here is the plan for today. This time I'm going to cook the ribs even slower might try 4 hours on the lowest heat and using the furtherst away burner. The  recipe had the ribs sitting on a rack in a baking tray filled with stock, I think the idea is that it's supposed to give additional flavour and moisture aswell.
 
The stock was burnt, sort of tells me that there was too much heat. TB, don't fret, that JD is not just for the ribs, and I've got another 6 pack of beer and 4 bottles of wine  

 

[texas blues]

Alright, so here is the plan for today. This time I'm going to cook the ribs even slower might try 4 hours on the lowest heat and using the furtherst away burner. The  recipe had the ribs sitting on a rack in a baking tray filled with stock, I think the idea is that it's supposed to give additional flavour and moisture aswell.
 
The stock was burnt, sort of tells me that there was too much heat. TB, don't fret, that JD is not just for the ribs, and I've got another 6 pack of beer and 4 bottles of wine

 
Its cool and the gang.
 
Ever body knows that Aussie's invented recreational drinking anyway.
 
Texan's just perfected it.
 
Post up that party likker.
 
That's what we like to be liking looooong time.
 
And teh ribbage too!

 

[geeme]

The  recipe had the ribs sitting on a rack in a baking tray filled with stock, I think the idea is that it's supposed to give additional flavour and moisture as well. The stock was burnt, sort of tells me that there was too much heat.

 
Yes and yes. I usually just use water if I'm roasting low and slow in the oven, though sometimes I may use a combo of water and stock. I've found it makes a world of difference, for example, when roasting a corned beef that doesn't have much fat on it. And yes, you may need to replenish the liquid over a course of time. I usually put water in the bottom of the pan and also fill a dutch oven or oven-proof saucepan with more water and put it in the oven, too.
 
I think it's interesting that steam can act differently depending on what is being cooked - in addition to making meat more moist, it is often used in the early part of baking bread to turn surface starches into sugars, making the crust more crisp.
 

 

[Hells Kitchen]

 
Its cool and the gang.
 
Ever body knows that Aussie's invented recreational drinking anyway.
 
Texan's just perfected it.
 
Post up that party likker.
 
That's what we like to be liking looooong time.
 
And teh ribbage too!

 
 
Will do man! I bought this dry rub for the ribs, it's freaking awesome. I'm just taking whiffs of it, smells so gooooood!  Just gotta go easy on the BBQ sauce so it doesn't over power it with sweetness this time. The steak here has been marinating in BBQ sauce and oil for one day now and is ripe for the BBQ grill
 
Damn it, almost run out of Jack Daniels, better switch to the wine, cos I need the JD for the ribs lol 
 

 
Yes and yes. I usually just use water if I'm roasting low and slow in the oven, though sometimes I may use a combo of water and stock. I've found it makes a world of difference, for example, when roasting a corned beef that doesn't have much fat on it. And yes, you may need to replenish the liquid over a course of time. I usually put water in the bottom of the pan and also fill a dutch oven or oven-proof saucepan with more water and put it in the oven, too.
 
I think it's interesting that steam can act differently depending on what is being cooked - in addition to making meat more moist, it is often used in the early part of baking bread to turn surface starches into sugars, making the crust more crisp.
 

 
Actually that's exactly what I did... combined water with stock and Jack Daniels and replenished a couple of times.  I'll fill up the pan with a combo of these and keep it at the lowest heat setting possible for a good 4 hours or so this time. I'm certain I used too much heat, the stock actually burnt into the pan even though it was indirect heat on low! I'll use a burner furthest away from the ribs on the absolute minimum setting this time and see what happens. 

 

[texas blues]

I predict some FOC chingon coming soon!

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Today's effort... 
 
Rib eye done on the BBQ. I marinated it in oil and BBQ sauce for 1 day, then slow cooked it both sides with the lid down, then on the grill for "reverse searing" at full tilt. I was about to cry when I cut it open and tasted it. One of the best, softest, most amazing steaks I've ever had in my life. 
 

 

 

 

 
 
And the ribs..... now 1.5 hours in, but I am full!!!
 

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
I marinated the steak in oil and the sauce in the pic below, for 1 day. The flavour was just....i don't even know how to describe it
 

 

[Scovie]

Steaks that make you cry. I love it. We've all had them and when we do, it's pure beefy bliss.

That first pic of the steak plated with the onions is MONEY!!!!!!! Nicely done!

 

[Hells Kitchen]

And here is the dessert... dry rubbed ribs, then slow cooked for 4.5 hours on a wire rack above a baking pan filled with stock, Whiskey and water, then I gave it a light lather of BBQ sauce, then 2-3 minutes sear on full heat each side on the hot plate. Haven't tried them yet, but should be softer than last night's effort and ofcourse bloody tasty! Apologies for the quality, but I only have my phone camera and it was getting dark.
 

 

 

 

 
 
 
EDIT - just tasted my ribs..... 
 
the rest is history. I don't even know what to say    
 
 

 

[texas blues]

Plenty o' booze and great lookin' meat there FO!
 
You earn a big fat CHINGON!

 

[Essegi]

 
the rest is history. I don't even know what to say    
 

And no words are needed! Enjoy your meal and leave others chatting with envy, me on top!

 

[JayT]

I would punch Scovie's Grandma in the face to get to that!

 

[geeme]

Now it's my turn to ding: If RIBEYE doesn't moo when you stick it with a fork, it's overdone! But I'll overlook that indiscretion, given as how I know some dudes are squeemish 'bout that kind of thing, and given those ribs look DIVINE!

 

[Hells Kitchen]

Now it's my turn to ding: If RIBEYE doesn't moo when you stick it with a fork, it's overdone! But I'll overlook that indiscretion, given as how I know some dudes are squeemish 'bout that kind of thing, and given those ribs look DIVINE!

 
Trust me man, that thing was soft as butter  After all that, I decided to have a midnight snack.
 
T-boner marinated in Jack Daniels, Soy, Worcestershire, oil and a coupla other stuff that I forgot 'coz I was/am drunk. Excuse the messy plating, but in my defence it was past midnight and was drunk.
 

 

 

 

 

 
Yes there is an absence of alchohol in these pics but I was off my tits, I promise.....
 

 

[texas blues]

FO + drunk + steak = CHINGON!
 
Stinkin' Aussie's.
 
Why don't they just spell it AWEstralia?
 
Bastiges!