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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
frydad4 said:
Am I drunk? Not entirely. 
But I been sipping on light beer foam all damn day.
I'm excited about the next throwdown. I haven't posted anything for a while, and I kinda need to remind myself how to do it. 
 
Conch salad. Conch, jalapeno, onion, cucumber, tomato, lime juice. Let it marinate a bit. 
Usually I use habanero instead of jalapeño, but my wife is acting like a girl.
 
For a touch of class, serve it in a Busch Light can. 
 
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Dang, I got to remember there are more forums on here that I like to follow than my current favorite

Looks dang good there Fiddy!
 
Time for drunken vegetarian brunch party.  I was on the waffle and chik'n station, my friends were manning the stove and bloody mary stations. 
 
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I made the chick'n seitan last night and battered it up to fry it this morning.  I dredged the seitan chick'n in hot sauce and the flour had some smoked hab powder in there.  It had a nice bite to it but nothing over the top.  I didn't check how much oil I had before I started this so I had to do the ole flippero on these guys.
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outta the fryer, (that's tequila and bourbon in the background, none of us drink vodka so it turned into bloody marias and bloody...? bourbons?).
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My friends made vegetarian gravy on the stove but burnt the facon. The facon had a good bit to it, dunno what it was the ingredients just said spices.  This is probably the only clear shot I got all morning... 
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this is what we were mixin' the bloodies with... didn't last long. We ended up switching to micheladas with tecate to try to extend the bottle... we were ill prepared.
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Some ghee happened in bottom of the hot PC, because I needed to work fast and it lives above the range, and the duck fat was buried in the back of the fridge =( ...

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I put some color on the veg and made a little fond, before deglazing with a half a 3rd bottle of the Dorado ...

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I smashed everything a little bit and simmered it for a while ...

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At this point I start getting a bit lax with the photos, I'm afraid ...
 
Stickblending happened ...

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Pork's been warming up the party ...

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Opened up the Teeny Tiny canister to a delightful sight, which seemed to almost be preceded by the aroma - fuck the laws of the universe ...

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I left some salsa behind, and added the other half of the onion to the bottom of the PC ...

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Yeah, baby ... took a few chugs and put the rest of that ET baddie in the bottom of the pot ...

Then I got fresh with that butt ... rubbed her down and then hit her with the Meat Church - Deez Nuts ...

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She's naughty ... locked her up ...

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At this point I'm climbing Sumatra Mountain - all bigguns' today, going for broke ...

That little hardboiled egg with mango crystals and a little of that Teeny Tiny to try it - very tasty ...

But no, I needed more ...

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A bowl of red that pairs quite nicely with that Founders, and is in theme ...

PC happenin' ...
 
Spattered a bit upon frying the salsa, as expected ...

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Look ma - a waterfall!

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Happy smells ...

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Sixpoints Global Warmer ... fuck yes! =) ...

Meat in ...

Splash landing!

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Could use a little heat ... thinking SF's Test Batch #3 is warranted ...

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Fuckin' reduced orifice ... bu-bye ...

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Bottle ... bu-bye ...

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Simmering a bit ... the smells, ridiculoso! ...

I think I'll make some rice in a bit, honestly ...

But first, tequila!
 
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