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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
Shit!! A popper pie? Why didn't I think of that? THP you are the MAN! Too late tonight..I bumped the calamari till tomorrow, and I am doing beer battered stuffed poppers. I did marinade babybacks though...for Sunday. I have the poppers setting up in the freezer. Oil is heating. I'm a bit drunk so and am doing the prep but still don't know the final result. Pics and shit tomorrow.

Impy..'skay. I do that too now and then. That's what makes cooking fun. Have a beer on me girl.

Cheers, TB.
 
okay...I'm lit and I ate 8 aI think haba poppers..adn a big one too! tequila nd beer was involved. hehe. I feel like burning...
I need to finnd a pilllowwww. Mrss. Belues is gonning to be piezzed!

Chekgjp, Tbuuu
 
I don't know who that guy was that hacked into my account and was posting that drunken drivel.

Tonight...calamari..

T-minus 20 minutes to beer thirty.

Cheers, TB.
 
Happy Easter Sunday from the big dry ditch in Las Vegas. I've had a yearning for deep fried calamari and finally was able to track some fresh little squidies. This is one of my favorite foods and so easy a drunk monkey (i.e. TB) can do it.

I got a 50/50 mix of cleaned tubes and tentacles. While the oil was heating I seasoned some AP flour with seasalt and pequin powder. The tubes I cut up into rings and dredged those and the tentacles in the flour. When the oil was ready, into the fryer they went.

I had a stainless steel bowl that was standing by with some minced garlic, minced green onion and parsley, splash of olive oil and seasalt. When the calamari came out and drained, they were tossed in the bowl, given a whir and stir and then plated.

Of course my good friends cerveza and anejo were in attendance!

Gettin' down..

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I like mine with lots of lemon and cocktail sauce. Dig it!

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Crankin' up the smoker for ribs later!

Cheers ya'll, TB.
 
Yum. Love calamari like that. Ok I am drunk and I am cooking. I will post pics later. I made some Defcon DM MKII wings for lunch. Then I started some recipe I read somewhere called African Stew. I don't exactly think it sounds like it's African, but I dunno. I made a few substitutions. My ingredients include ground lamb, white beans, potatoes, cilantro, onion, bell pepper, curry powder, garlic, ginger, crushed tomatoes, water, Srirachi, and peanut butter. Interesting taste. The ribs are cooking now. Probably about 2-3 more hours for them yet. I'll try to get the pics on here tonight, but I make no promises I'm drunk already...

Edit: Oh I forgot the Risoto cakes. They will also be made tonight.
 
JayT said:
Yum. Love calamari like that. Ok I am drunk and I am cooking. I will post pics later. I made some Defcon DM MKII wings for lunch. Then I started some recipe I read somewhere called African Stew. I don't exactly think it sounds like it's African, but I dunno. I made a few substitutions. My ingredients include ground lamb, white beans, potatoes, cilantro, onion, bell pepper, curry powder, garlic, ginger, crushed tomatoes, water, Srirachi, and peanut butter. Interesting taste. The ribs are cooking now. Probably about 2-3 more hours for them yet. I'll try to get the pics on here tonight, but I make no promises I'm drunk already...

Edit: Oh I forgot the Risoto cakes. They will also be made tonight.

I guess that answers my question "will alcohol be involved?" in the popper thread. Everythang' sounds straight up righteous!

rainbowberry said:
Can Calamari be a bit rubbery and chewy?

If you cook it quickly, calamari will have a slight chewiness and not rubbery. Cook it longer and it's like rubber bands. Cook it still longer and it loses the rubber band 'thang. After 6 beers and 4 shots I really can't tell though...hehe.

Cheer, TB.
 
Asian coleslaw prepped and in the fridge. Ribs are gettin' down brown in the smoker. Beers are chillin'. T-minus 1 hour to beer thirty.

Cheers, TB.
 
k, i wanted to mak garlic/hab chicken wit cilatro n chipotle in puff pastry, but i cant find my dang rollingpin. :(

So, driniking pbr's and eatin pastrami/cheese on crackers wit jalapenos..lol
 
QuadShotz said:
k, i wanted to mak garlic/hab chicken wit cilatro n chipotle in puff pastry, but i cant find my dang rollingpin. :(

So, driniking pbr's and eatin pastrami/cheese on crackers wit jalapenos..lol

I just found my wifes stash of apple vodka..hehe...she's asleep.

Tried not to get drunk. FAIL!!

Cheers, TB.
 
So here 'tis. Found the wifes stash of apple vodka so this might be a little f#@ked up.

Smoked the ribs.

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Finished them on the grill on the cold side about 250F.
Swiffered...er...mopped them with apple cider vin/beer/bbq sauce mix.

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Don't forget the japs...

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Food of the Gods with a little asian coleslaw...

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Happy Easter ya'll, Leslie.
 
texas blues said:
This guy is my hero!!
Cheers, TB.

:rofl: that guy is halarious !
I will be sure to get the missis to film my next venture into the drunken unknown !
- Great thread - subscribed -

edit--- which is now going to be tonight ! lol Bottle of red and a goood curry ! Give me a few hrs..ill post recipe and pics
 
Chillimans YELLOW CURRY ARSE DROP !

THE YELLOW CURRY FROM HELL​

OK - Im now alot drunk. And a few hours of cooking (simmering)
She looks mean as hell and is going to hurt on the way out !!

This is what I started with -
Bottle of RED !!
Good Madris Curry paste - Cumin powder, chilli flakes, Curry powder (reg) - Voodoo ash, hot cayenne powder, bhut pods crushed , The hippy seed company Jungle Juice, some hot parika, MAd dogs 357 additive, sweet parika, sundried tomatoe paste, ChiX thigh fillet, potatoe, carrot, beans. Cocnut milk and coconut cream. About 2 1/2 hrs
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Heat up paste so it sticks to chix. dust chix first in voodoo ash & cayenne powder.
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Cook quick to seal chix in heated curry paste seals in powders -
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reduce heat to simmer throw everything in and simmer for two - three hours...... or in the oven for same time on low.

Finshed photo to come !
 
simmering - whoops drunk portions
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FINISHED..... (that is a bay leaf)

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ON RICE !!!!!

IT WAS F@#N HOT ! - I may regret in the morning ! Still sweating !
 
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