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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
HAHA! As do I of yours! Just saw yer poppers....

We're both in PBR-dom together my friend. Check mmmmmmm.. Poppers for confirmation of said coincidence!
 
Ayup, gotta love the PBR.

Heh, next time I'll just skip the breading part..lol

The roast beef is awesome though wrapped on a popper.
 
Nice work on all the foods! I can actually get Pabst Blue-smear-Beer here in my neck of the woods. Since I'm out of beer and I need to cook up something for the Canucks game tonight (in the playoffs BABY!!! :party:) maybe I'll pick some Pabst up. It's good for a change up every now and then.

All I have to do is decide on what I want to eat... so many choices, but I'm leaning towards a big ol' steak on the BBQ :think:
 
I haven't had a PBR in 37 years...that was the night I drank a case in an hour and fifteen minutes...
 
'twas the worst hang over I have EVER had...for 3 days...
 
Nothin like a nice cold Pber. I find it's best in a can, straight outta a cooler full of ice. I'm a beer/liquor snob as much as the next guy, but after working in the hot sun, nothing says, "Chill" like cheap ass PBR.
 
FiveStar said:
Nothin like a nice cold Pber. I find it's best in a can, straight outta a cooler full of ice. I'm a beer/liquor snob as much as the next guy, but after working in the hot sun, nothing says, "Chill" like cheap ass PBR.

Good choice indeed, but i usually go for one of the caribbean lagers when it's super freakin hot/humid out. Try some Carib or some Kalik if you can find it.
 
I dun know what it is, but i've rarely ever had a hangover from PBR.
Even when I killed a 18-pack in about 12hrs..lol

I don't think doing AJ's feat woulf fly though...mebbe 20 yrs ago..'cept then it'd prolly been Black Label. :lol:
 
I got to tell this story...after thinking about it, it was actually 38 years ago...I was 21, in the navy and was headed Washington DC for Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat Tech School..the weekend I left Pensacola (home) headed to Camp LeJeune, I stopped at Auburn University to visit a friend of mine that was in vet school there...Auburn was playing the University of Florida that saturday...Auburn beat Florida 40-7...Pat Sullivan (Auburns QB) and Terry Beasley had a field day on Florida....

there was a fraternity party that night at the Alpha Psi house (my friend was the president of the frat)...as soon as the game was over, I headed to Casino to get beer...got two cases of PBR to go...I drank one and Sam drank the other...was one hell of a party...I passed out early and they found me at 2am holding the rail of a walkway going across a little creek yelling "help me, hold on, the bridge is floating away"....thats about all I remember except the excruciating pounding in my head about 10 the next morning...
 
AlabamaJack said:
..I was 21, in the navy and was headed Washington DC for Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat Tech School..the weekend I left Pensacola (home) headed to Camp LeJeune,

Small world AJ, I grew up in Jacksonville, NC. Home of Camp Lejeune military base. I don't know what your experience was there, or when the last time you were there was, but it is truly the armpit of the earth now. Nothin but carlots, strip clubs, tattoo parlors, pawnshops, and stripmalls (on paper, a majority of this actually doesn't sound half bad! believe me it sucks). Downtown is all boarded up. Poor J-ville at least used to have a decent downtown with a few decent bars. Only place to get a beer now is Lonestar steakhouse or a mexican restaurant.

Alright, BACK TO THE DRUNKEN CHEF!!

Jeez, we sure got some threads off track today huh?:shocked:
 
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