The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[paulky_2000]

Keystone Chelada.........


Yeah...I said Keystone Chelada. If you think that's crazy.....you don't know me.


And I don't really care.

Here is a sammich my 15 year old son designed. He's calling it a "Chicken Pizza Sammie" It's chicken breast tenders done in a convection oven and spiced w/ pepper, garlic, and salt......hoagie buns....toasted with melted mozz and parmesean, Trinidad Scorpion powder, and Itilaian seasoning.

It was GUUUUUUUD. Bu what made it BEST?????



I didn't have to make it.......merely direct.

 

[JayT]

That next to last pic is a money shot if I have ever seen one. Well done twin.

 

[wheebz]

welp

i havent posted in here in a while, because usually im too shitfaced to take pics

but ive had 5 bud lights and 2 of my own stouts, so im pretty ok




Bacon and Pastrami Melts, cheddar cheese, on fresh deli Potato Rolls, with Rocketmans That Green Stuff sauce

 

[JayT]

Fail! No booze. Looks good though.

Edit: I see the BL can sneaking into the one picture. I take it back.

 

[texas blues]

Nice wheebz but I have to stay away from bacon for a while and eat more healthy. Pauly's twin sammich is killin' it!! Circle H for the h to the b to the r.

 

[Scovie]

I'll take his bacon, looks good my man.

 

[JayT]

Just found out I was supposed to be at work an hour ago. Ooops. I thought I was supposed to be there at 1pm. AND, I still have the boy here, so I can't go in now. Someone has to cover for me. I guess I have the day off now. What to do? What to do?

 

[wheebz]

drink....

 

[spankyswrekdagn]

Hi Everyone!!!! After 6 months of no posts in here I figured I was due. Its not that I havent been cooking spicy and boozing cuz god knows if that was a sport I would be a pro. Just havent had the forethought to take pics or the drive to share it. Tonights selections is a delicious habanero chicken sausage, diced white oinons and fresh spinach all cooked with garlic and olive oil. And of course for the heat.........I recently recieved a bag of dried Ghost Chilis from a friend who didnt think i was mad enough to use him. Luckily for me he was wrong. I ground one up in my bullet blender seeds and all. Oh, and if you curious about my libations. That is a 1.75l of vodka from costco, notice the kirkland label. This is enough to make even the novice drinker revolt but what people dont realize is that Grey Goose makes it. It is exactly the same.

 

[texas blues]

Kirkland Grey Goose? Most excellent! The snausage looks hawt. Why are there stuffed kiddy toys on your stovetop?

 

[frydad4]

BUY ALL OF THE COSTCO BRAND LIQUORS!!!!!

They are all really good. I've had the Bourbon, tequila (100% agave), white tequila (100% agave), and the vodka.

They outsource it to higher-end distilleries and pass on the savings to you. Highly recommended, all of them!

They didn't pay me to say this. (but I'd be happy to try future products, if the right person reads this!)

 

[spankyswrekdagn]

Kirkland Grey Goose? Most excellent! The snausage looks hawt. Why are there stuffed kiddy toys on your stovetop?

I just got done eating. I think its the first thing hot enough that I can feel it on the roof of my mouth. Just cant get enough !! Those are toys my girl got for the dog they make noise when they bite into them and they go friggen nuts. K9's vs angry birds.

On a completely different note, finally got a houshold member that loves the heat as much as I do. My girl hates spicy and so do the dogs.
My GC Conure Ivan LOVES Habaneros and dried chilis.

 

[texas blues]

Beautiful bird. My mother has raised birds for years. The bird she has now is Curly Joe and looks just like your bird. What a coinky dinky! Get that bird talkin'!

 

[spankyswrekdagn]

Beautiful bird. My mother has raised birds for years. The bird she has now is Curly Joe and looks just like your bird. What a coinky dinky! Get that bird talkin'!

He says Hey buddy, and good boy, and sometimes whats going on and thank you. No doubt he will say shut the f**k up before too long because he cant see me when im cookin and he goes bananas. only issue is its stressing out the dogs so he gets covered when he gets outta control.
To stay on topic. I can still feel the ghost chilis on the top back of my throat so im medicating with vodka.

 

[JayT]

A bird in the hand is worth... lots.

 

[frydad4]

can you say, "Two in the bush?"

 

[Scovie]

I like birds. They lay eggs.

 

[SumOfMyBits]

can you say, "Two in the bush?"

Marcie!?! Where are yooooooooou????????????

 

[frydad4]

lol that's hilarious!

 

[texas blues]

Sometimes I like to be liking some shrimps. And sometimes I like to be liking rolling papers and shrimps.

Sushi rice, Huy Fong chile garlic, cucumber and shrimps. It is tradition to make several most honorable sake toast's prior to beginning the sushi prep but lacking sake, tequila makes a fine standin.

I killed a whole jar of the chile garlic this week. It rocks on just about evarthang.

Purist sushi snobs say not to accompany seafood with pickled ginger. Screw 'em.
I also like to roll with the cheapo powdered faux pax wasabi mixed right into the soy sauce.
Green onions are in there for no reason except to look good.

Obi wan kawasaki momofuku y'all!