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The Chronicles of JayT


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#1 SumOfMyBits

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 01:57 AM

Some say colors get brighter when this guy shows up.

Others say Fergie stole his mantra ..."Big girls don't cry."

If he was in a Corona commercial there would be ten empty tequila bottles and a full bag of untouched limes.

This guy may be more interesting than the "most interesting guy in the world."

I heard he was the donkey in the stable when the baby Jesus was born... and was high-fived by Shrek's great-great- great grandfather.

There have been whispers in OZ that recent floods could have been averted if he had just uttered the word "no".

His fraternity brothers sneaked a picture of him naked in the shower and posted it on the internets... here it is:

Posted Image

Funny as this may seem... this is no joke.

Here's my story:

One misty morning I found myself rolling in a topless Jeep Wrangler in Prague being pursued by the local police. I had no cash in hand, or in my pockets.

I was lost, confusticated almost.

I felt like Matt Damon playing Jason Bourne, but much more muscular and better looking... and JayT was in the passenger seat.

I had no end-game strategy to the dilemma I was facing, and anxiety was starting to take hold of me. Shifting furiously through the gears trying to out-run the coppers and sweating like I had been dancing in a Miami nightclub for six hours, JayT turns to me and says "dude".

That's all it took... we were instantly transported to the streets of SoBe [South Beach, Miami... werd???].

I can't say I wasn't fazed by a move like that, I mean how pimp is something like that? Regardless, JayT requested that I pump some Vanilla Ice tunes, and that woke me back up to reality. Who would ask for something so ridiculous like that? <--- Apparently someone awesome because we got free pancakes and bacon that morning from some high-brow restaurant on Ocean Front Blvd, aka A1A.

We had a good laugh at that Prague $#!t... and then made some hot-dogs in my microwave.

Others have witnessed The JayT.

Testify!!!

One final note..we drank like sailors on payday and when it was time to take him back to his hotel, mrs. blues poured both me and Jay into her truck and we took his drunk ass home. If I recall correctly, he hooked up afterwards with some of his PA work bros and continued to party til the wee wee hours. Man can out b.s. me. Out cook me. And sure as hell out drink me. Most likely out "hot me"...but I'll fo' 'sho catch more fish than him.....Jay I salute you sir!



The legend of JT continues...
One time JT came down to Miami to enjoy some soflo tomfoolery. Suddenly, a hurricane attacked us as JT was getting ready to whip up a batch of mojitos. In a flash, as the rest of us were pinned to the floor due to the cyclonic gusts, JT flew up into the sky with a bag full of fresh limes. He hoisted the limes into the air with his bear-like fists and squeezed the juice into the sky. The rain became a tart, citrusy blend of lime juice and JT's awesomeness. As he flew back to my house, the hurricane had no choice but to leave.
Then JT made some awesome hot-dogs in my microwave.

True story...





Have YOU seen JayT in action?

If the answer is YES, then you must enlighten us!
Please share

Hog Shminxsters.


#2 JayT

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 12:00 PM

:rofl:

That's it, say goodbye to your precious bunnies....
 

 
Did you get my package yet, and did you like it?
 


#3 geeme

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 12:41 PM

It was dark, and the snow fell like so much lint from a new roll of toilet paper. I pulled my scarf a little closer around my neck as I made my way out the final door of the glass-and-chrome monstrosity that was my client's office barracade - the security system might well have been tighter than at Ft. Knox. I could see my lone car in visitor's parking; the executives with whom I just finished meeting would have escaped through the heated cave reserved for their exclusive cars.

I fumbled in my purse for my keys as I scurried across the lot, eager to get out of the biting teeth of this winter night. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the flat on my car. "Damn, I don't need this right now!" the wind blew my voice back at me. Thank goodness I had paid for roadside assistance - they might take a while, but they could deal with the tire in this weather much better than I could. I pushed the button on the door remote, and ... nothing. The car was enveloped in half an inch of solid ice. "Damn!" I muttered to myself as I fumbled for my cell phone.

But fate was clearly not with me that night. No, instead of greeting me with a frivolous animation, the phone stared at me blankly when I flipped it open. I ran back to the building, but the automated security system had eliminated the job of the night watchman years before. I looked around desperately for a sign of another office building, house... anything that would spell help. I knew that even if an executive was still nestled in his chamber on the top floor, he would hardly stoop to messing his pinstripes to help me out - after all, I was just a consultant.

But just as despair was starting to nuzzle its way through the shock of my situation, I heard a voice from behind me - it was Jay! "Hey, G" was all he said, then he started to walk towards my car. I couldn't help but to follow him, mesmerized by his presence and puzzling about where he came from. He reached the car before I did, but just then a strong gust of wind swirled snow around Jay and the car, hiding them from my view. I turned my face away for just a second to block it from the wind, but when I turned back he was gone. I thought at first the wind had knocked him down, but as I rounded the corner of the car, I found he was no longer there - he was gone just as quickly as he came.

I stood in the snow for a moment, not quite sure what to think - had I imagined Jay being there? But then the light from the building reflected off the surface of my car - the ice was gone, and the tire was no longer flat! I couldn't help but to raise my hand, still clutching my cell phone, to my face. Sure enough, its musical note animation was dancing merrily across the screen. It just took one of winter's fingers loosening the scarf around my neck to make me jump into the car. But as I drove away, I whispered a very heart-felt "thank you, Jay."

Vision w/o action is merely a dream. Action w/o vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world. - JOEL BARKER


#4 Silver_Surfer

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 01:16 PM

ROTFLMFAO!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." Thomas Jefferson
Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.
The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

#5 JayT

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 01:27 PM

Not to toot my own horn, but I did help PMD tie his shoes once too.

That's it, say goodbye to your precious bunnies....
 

 
Did you get my package yet, and did you like it?
 


#6 Silver_Surfer

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 02:50 PM

And that was left handed. :lol:
"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." Thomas Jefferson
Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.
The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

#7 JayT

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 03:22 PM

But of course. While holding a beer I may add. :beer:

Edited by JayT, 14 February 2011 - 03:23 PM.

That's it, say goodbye to your precious bunnies....
 

 
Did you get my package yet, and did you like it?
 


#8 pileiton

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 08:20 PM

I could regale you with tales of his lovemaking, the sheets still warm hours later. His bartending skills and ability to hold his liquor. The sumptious feasts he makes. But I know that you hippy food eating puritans would be offended.

Instead I will tell you of how he made the blind to see, the lame to walk, stretched several fishes and loaves to feed thousands.

Shit, that was someone else whose name began with "J ".

Oops, I swore. That's okay, at least one of the similiarly initialed gents will forgive me.
.

Edited by pileiton, 14 February 2011 - 08:22 PM.

I'm too groggy to think!

#9 texas blues

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 09:01 PM

Chuck Norris once challenged Jay to a bhut jolokia sauce wing off. That was Chuck's first and only FAIL. Jay astounded doctors at John's Hopkins when they removed 3 strips of deep fried bacon, an 8 inch polish sausage and 3 quarts of cheese sauce from his left ventricale whence after removal he went into cardiac arrest. They immediately put them back and his heart returned to normal. They also discovered in the process that his veins and arteries are neither veins or arteries. Sausage casings. Ronald McDonald and The Burger King have autographed photo's of Jay kept in trophy cases on display. The Food Network wanted to create a show around Jay and his cooking prowess but they could not find ingredients with enough sheer AWESOMENESSESS worthy enough for the dish's he would create. Every day 4,000 hippy vegetarian's become full on carnivore's, many not even bothering to cook the meat first, because of Jay. Jay Leno's friends call him Jay. JayT's friends call Jay Naga Overlord. Jay has no navel. He was created out of the void by the God's of Pork. It's good to be the Jay. ALL HAIL THE JAY!

Youtube - Leslie X


#10 Celeste

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 09:18 PM

OH, My!" (said in my best Georgian voice, fanning myself with a large, antebellum fan) I ce'tainly dont know the gentleman that well, but now I would REALLY like to get to know him bettah!

(did I mention I use bacon grease instead of butter on my toast?, and consider habaneros nice mild peppers?)
~Celeste~
'She has a mind with a heart of its own" ~Tom Petty

#11 JoeyK

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 09:23 PM

JayT.......

Posted Image

Made my day

Two shrimps is only enough to piss me off.Looks good, though!


#12 frydad4

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 10:08 PM

My wife and I were having trouble conceiving. We had been married for 3 years, and had been "trying" for a solid year.

No Luck.

We tried everything. Ovulation thermometers, calendars, fertility pills. The whole nine. Nothing worked.
After a year we were ready to just settle for a golden retriever.

That's when I got a knock on the door. It was JT.

He said he knew we were having some trouble, but not to worry. He placed his glittery hand on my wife's and my pubis regions (nothing gay) and said one word, in a whisper...(baby!).

Nine months later, little Abagail JT Frydad was born. She's healthy and beautiful, and can make a mean hotdog in the microwave.

Coincidence???? I think not.

True Story.
"Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
-Mark Twain

#13 geeme

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Posted 14 February 2011 - 10:13 PM

:rofl:

Vision w/o action is merely a dream. Action w/o vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world. - JOEL BARKER


#14 SumOfMyBits

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 03:22 AM

I heard the last time JayT roasted a chicken he didn't even eat it... he just told the bird "You're welcome."

On another note, today I found myself at my local Barnes & Noble waiting on line, and you'll never guess who I saw... Chuck Norris.

Apparently JayT had his own table set up for autographs, and Chuck had the audacity to skip me in line. JayT saw this, got up out of his seat, slapped Chuck Norris in the face, and then turned back to his table to resume his autograph signing.

As JayT was walking back to his place behind the table I heard Chuck Norris thank him.

This evening I made a killer hot-dog in my microwave in JayT's name.

Edited by SumOfMyBits, 16 February 2011 - 03:38 AM.

Hog Shminxsters.


#15 JayT

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 07:54 PM

I do love a good microwave hot dog. And... Chuck asked me for my pajamas.

That's it, say goodbye to your precious bunnies....
 

 
Did you get my package yet, and did you like it?
 


#16 geeme

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 11:37 PM

My son's cat jumped onto my lap earlier tonight, and sat there looking at me a moment. She opened her mouth, but instead of "meow", she said "JayT." That reminded me I had forgotten to set the timer for the porkage in the oven, and I ran to rescue it. But instead of finding a blackened roast, it was cooked to a golden perfection, flavorful and juicy inside. Even shared some porkage with the cat for relaying JayT's message to me.

True story. Thanks Jay.







Wait a minute..... the cat talked!?!

Vision w/o action is merely a dream. Action w/o vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world. - JOEL BARKER


#17 SumOfMyBits

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Posted 17 February 2011 - 12:18 AM

...

Wait a minute..... the cat talked!?!


This only happens in Narnia... or when JayT tells them to. No worries!

I have witnessed this phenomenon on several occasions, and I don't even own a cat, but it always ends with a killer microwaved hot-dog.

True story.

Hog Shminxsters.


#18 geeme

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Posted 17 February 2011 - 06:46 AM

Wow...... JayT...... He's just that good!

Vision w/o action is merely a dream. Action w/o vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world. - JOEL BARKER


#19 JayT

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Posted 17 February 2011 - 08:31 PM

Wow...... JayT...... He's just that good!


With a microwave hotdog...

That's it, say goodbye to your precious bunnies....
 

 
Did you get my package yet, and did you like it?
 


#20 SumOfMyBits

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Posted 17 February 2011 - 11:00 PM

...
I haven't seen this kind of debauchery since the last time me and Sum got drunk and needed more beer. We were getting ready to make a busch light run (drunk), when out of nowhere, JT flew down from the heavens and said, "Keys, gentlemen!".
We proceeded to give him our keys (we were in no shape to drive), and JT stole my debit card and flew to the gas station and returned with two bottles of Boones Farm Strawberry Kiwi wine.
We were drunk for days. He always pulls through.
...
FD


JayT is our designated driver. Hard to imagine, but he always shows up with bacon, so we trust him.

If my memory serves me correct, that night we made some "killermanjaro" hot-dogs in the microwave... and topped them with a four-blend of mexican cheese.

Hog Shminxsters.





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