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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


0228.jpg


Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

0231.jpg


I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
So.....

while bear's banging a pirate hooker and gumby at the same time...

Sum takes home a goat...

who is wearing a merkin...

And, with all due respect, it's a HOT goat...

and the merkin has TB's initials on the tag??????

and what is a "pron"??


True story????

I love this!


Pron = porn

And I hate to correct you, but it was 3 pirates.
 
I heard bear got kicked out of that party for not wearing a costume!

How come his genitals weren't engorged with all that human skin around him??

Usually when he gets excited his fuzzies swell to 3 times their normal size and turn reddish brown and emit a metallic odor (don't ask how I know).
 
HOLD UP!


A
3
TOED
BEAR!
:cocks gun:
them's good eatin'!



awh.... just kiddin',, come'eer and gimme a bigol' ... hug
...what a guy....
 
Just made some blackened garlic shrimp with RocketMan's Jamaican Me Hot sauce

epic combo

ohh and southern tier IPA to wash it down
 
So, what do you suppose happens when those nice folks at work ask someone like me to bring in a spicy pot of chili for lunch?

e562c364.jpg


1/2 pound of Serranos, 1/2 pound of JalapeƱos and 1/4 pound of Habaneros. I think it'll warm them up a bit.

Oh yea and 2 bottles of Shinner Bock.

Cheers,
RM
 
If they're anything like the people I work with, they'll take a spoonful, pop their eyes half way out of their heads, make a bunch of strange noises, then give you a kind of horrified look that asks "do I really have to eat any more of this????" They try too hard to be polite - I just laugh and tell them it's okay, I'm not expecting them to eat any more. :cool:
 
So, what do you suppose happens when those nice folks at work ask someone like me to bring in a spicy pot of chili for lunch?

e562c364.jpg


1/2 pound of Serranos, 1/2 pound of JalapeƱos and 1/4 pound of Habaneros. I think it'll warm them up a bit.

Oh yea and 2 bottles of Shinner Bock.

Cheers,
RM

That looks like chili with BEANS! Wait. Beer trumps chile with beans. And 1 1/4 pound of chile's.....have mercy! Be sure to update your resume.
 
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