You need a horse to move a dead horse..
Edmick
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Ruby red grapefruit vodka= floor nap.. Heard it from a friend
Brandy and hot chocolate... Cures what ails you.
Mandolin slicers are the work of the devil..
Public Service Announcement: Don't mix chocolate and bud light..
Me: "Babe come here." Wife: "Shut up, I'm not in the mood for your shit.." Marriage is a sacred union folks.. Cherish every moment..
You know you're going hunting when you look at your wrist watch and think you put it on upside down. I need a hobby that let's me sleep more..
How bout that McGregor fight..
Hot sauce Sunday! Anyone making any sauce today?
had a dream last night that I had 2 bahamian goat plants that were 20 feet tall and loaded with pods. I shoulda taken a picture for you guys..
It's gonna be a good day folks. Just tried to flush the toilet by pushing down on the light switch..
Why do banks take holidays? of all institutions, commerce and the flow of money never stops, so if anything, they should be open 24/7/365 don't you think?
Why is it that vegans refuse to eat anything that comes from an animal but they'll eat fruit and vegetables that are grown from animal manure? Seems like a flawed ideology to me..
Was just at the store and saw a mother take her daughters hand to cross the parking lot, and something dawned on me.. Wouldn't it make more sense to split up? "Take my hand honey, if I get hit, I'm taking you with me!". I feel like I've been lied to my whole life..
Booked a tattoo party bus for my wifes birthday party in August. Everyones getting inked!! Bring the pain! woot woot!
My hunting dog cracks me up. While everyone elses dogs are running scared of the fireworks, he's running around looking for dead birds. lol
To whom it may concern, please stop using the "rock on"/"sign of the horns" gesture if you do not in fact, "rock". Many brave souls have risked life and limb in the pit for the right to use it. If you wish to be initiated properly, crank up some Devildriver radio and elbow yourself in the throat. If you draw blood, you've earned the right to do it with both hands. haha!
Admit it, pepperheads are the GG Allin of the culinary world.
Wanna really mess with someones mind? Pick one friend or family member and have a few people randomly walk up to them throughout the day and whisper "None of this is real, you're in a coma", then walk away..
Wife tells me tonight, I've decided to do dinner cajun style. I said, did you decide that after you burnt the shit out of the chicken? lol she's not impressed
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