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JOKE TIME!!!!

dreamtheatervt - I dont know the name of the frog or where it is, its been years since I saw the program, maybe I misunderstood some of what they meant of what they were saying on the discovery channel, but like I said the frog was able to freeze & thaw backout & come back to life with no harm done to it, amazing IMO & I know frogs are cold blooded.
the animal kingdom is very strange & amazing at the same time, for what they can do. so a frog like this might not be impossible to have, theres fish & other animals that live in the most toxic places & thrive there but if a human tried to live there , let alone breath the air or be subjected to the toxic chemicals we'd die in seconds. or other animals that are capable of loosing a arm/leg/tail & grow it back (can you regrow a arm ? :lol:)so you never know what kind of animal is out there & what they're capable of, right ? the only thing we humans have going for us is our brains, other than that we are pretty wimpy creatures compared to the rest of the animal kingdom.

as for the black sea ? I believe its a salty body of water therefore could not be considered a lake, since lakes are only fresh water, but otherwise yes its a (great) lake if not salt water. but what about the Red Sea ? why is it not a gulf/bay or fordge (sp?) & why is the Gulf of Mexico considered a gulf when on grander scale its more like a sea IMO.

yes I listen to Anthrax :onfire: sound of white noise is a kickass album.

no I didnt make this up " CWN ANWNN ". like Luckydog already stated. yes its a word (maybe misspelled wrong ?) & yes its one of Glenn Danzigs songs from " Black Aria " but other bands also use these words for their own purpose. so I was curious to know what it meant, I guess I'll look it up under the way Luckydog spelt it to find more info on this phrase.
as for the glen danzig album "black aria" 2 thumbs up IMO, its a instrumental album 23 mins long, a classical church type of music with heavy gothic overtones. its worth sitting back to relax & listen to it, kinda like pink floyd with their music but gothic instead.


I forgot to add this on the last post.
have you ever wonder why the apes are humans closest ancestral relative in the animal kingdom on earth, but yet pigs are better suited for organ donations for the human race, what does this say about humans ?
 
Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer : Princess Diana's death.

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,

(check the bottle before you change the spelling),

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization !
 
In the 1400's, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no larger than the width of his thumb. Hence we have 'The rule of thumb'

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF was entered into the english language.

Everyday more money is printed for the game Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your own elbow.

The state with the highst percentage of people who walk to work - Alaska.

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness - 28%
The percentage of North America that is wilderness - 38%

The cost of raising a medium size dog to age 11 - $16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour - 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter - Tom Sawyer.

The SanFransisco cable cars are the only mobile National Monument.

Each King in a deck of cards represents a great king from history;
Spades -King David
Hearts -Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander the Great
Diamonds -Julius Ceasar

111,111,111 times 111,111,111 equals 12,345,678,987,654,321

The statue in the park of a person on a horse;
If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds recieved in battle. If the horse has all four legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only 2 people signed the Decleration of Independance on July 4th - John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2nd, but the last signature was not added until 5 years later.

Q- Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A- Their birthplace.

Q- Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular name requested?
A- Obsession.

Q- If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go to find the letter 'A'?
A- One thousand.

Q- What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windsheild wipers, and laser printers have in common?
A- They were all invented by women.

Q- What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A- Honey.

Q- On what day are more collect calls made than any other day of the year?
A- Father's Day.

In Shakespeare's time, the mattresses were secured to the bedframes with ropes. When you pulled the ropes, the mattress tightened. Hence the phrase - 'Good Night, Sleep Tight'.

It was accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago, that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calandar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we call today 'Honeymoon".

In English pubs, ale is ordered in pints and quarts...so in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartenders would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts and settle down". It is where we get the phrase - mind your P's And Q's.

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet you whistle' was inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of the people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
 
Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
An old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers.

The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 91 years old!"

"How in the world did you guess?"

The ornery old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees
and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!"
 
Nymphomania Convention


A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up & saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained,"one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
 
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him
because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Unknown

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But currently,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It ****ed.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Unknown
 
What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" a wife said to her husband.

"Dear," he answered, "I was golfing with friends."

"What?" she countered. "Until two in the morning?"

"Yes," he said. "We used night clubs."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Use?

Did you hear they found a new use for sheep in Berzerkistan?

Wool.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Parrot

Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday. She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart, George has already taught him to pronounce more than 200 words."

"Wow, that's impressive," Cheney said. "But you do realize he just says the words; he doesn't really understand what they mean."

"That's fine," Laura replied. "Neither does the parrot."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heaven and ****

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can't find him!"

St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn't make it to Heaven."

This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in **** with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.

John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I'm in the right place?"

"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn't
 
Children learn quickly



Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot one day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assh*les at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."
 
Fema Genie


A cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook.

She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie. "You know how I work.... You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this.", said the cowboy... "I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK! I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."



***POOF***



the cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."



***POOF***



the cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."



***POOF***



He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
 
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Anesthetist
4. Cinnamon
5. Chrysanthemum

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition
3. Anti-constitutionalistically
4. Transubstantiate
5. Sphygmomanometer

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing Karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I Have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.
10. I must be going home now, as I have work in the morning.
 
#2 Pencil


Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the Universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret, and the Nun once again said,"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

As the class continued the nun decided to asked her a third and last question... "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her Twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted.
 
Home Depo Scammers Beware!!!

A warning for Home Depot customers...

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping at Home Depot. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old women come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the trunk.They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets. Be careful out there!
 
chilehunter said:
Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer : Princess Diana's death.

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,

(check the bottle before you change the spelling),

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization !
Click to expand...
is that supposed to be funny?
 
redhotstratocaster said:
is that supposed to be funny?
Click to expand...


sure why not ? I got a laugh out of it. if you're offended by it then get it deleted, I could care less if its gone or if it stays, its just a joke I put up. but remember everyone else around the world making fun of our president even you Brits so whats anything different? only thing remotely different is the fact is shes dead - which this joke is NOT truely making fun of Princess Diana's death itself, like Ha Ha shes dead that kinda of thing, & I dont think its funny she died.

I guess we should not have any jokes about race,religion,country origin,sex (M or F), politicial stance,etc...
if you say 1 polish joke I'll get pissed off at you! :lol: get real this is the joke forum! sure I can understand misunderstanding people in the other forums but right off the bat this is put in the JOKE FORUM so take it as a joke.
 
LOL!!!

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


5. 1 to screw it in, and 4 to bitch about it being electric.
 
By agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.
 
BernieButz said:
By agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.
Click to expand...

give_a_damb.gif
 
pussy types



1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.

Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.

2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shake it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.

3. Hired Pussy
Found in the Hollywood area of Southern California and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired Pussy and Expensive Pussy is that the money is up-front.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap Pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.

4. Virgin Pussy
This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth control which can cause "accidents", can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5. Nympho Pussy
Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.

6. Frigid Pussy
Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this Pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.

7. Innocent Nympho Pussy
Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.

8. Party Pussy
Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.

9. Nutsy Pussy
Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason.. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.
 
The top 50 things to do or say when you wake up to your roommate having sex...

50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo."

49. "That works better the other way around."

48. Sniff, sniff. "Is something burning?"

47. "Damn, that's complicated"

46. "Wait, wait, here take my pillow."

45. "All right, already. _I_ came!"

44. "You guys need a value pak."

43. Smoke a pipe, every once in a while wave it around and say, "Good show, old bean!"

42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"

41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."

40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."

39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change position.

38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."

37. Suggest your favorite position.

36. Shine a flashlight at them. "This is a citizen's arrest, assume the positition."

35. "Bring in the Gimp!"

34. "Hold that pose!"

33. Sit up and bounce vigorously on your bed, clapping and squealing with joy.

32. Start singing Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

31. Sing "Shake your bootie."

30. "A little to the left."

29. "Is that a penis in your girlfriend, or are you just happy to see me?"

28. "Is there room for two in there?"

27. "Two words: penis extension."

26. Invite others in as a cheering section.

25. Charge admission at the door.

24. Make and hold up score cards.

23. All of them should read 6.9.

22. Whip out pen and paper and take notes.

21. "Maybe it would help if you..."

20. "That reminds me of a joke I heard."

19. "That's what you call erect?"

18. "Let the chicken go, he had nothing to do with it!"

17. Hold up two bags and say, "Paper or plastic?"

16. Roll over, grunt and say, "I'd rather be fishing."

15. "Use the Heimlich; she's got something caught in her throat!"

14. "May I cut in?"

13. "That's illegal in Arkansas."

12. "Holy whips and chains, Batman!"

11. Scream at the top of your lungs. When they ask what's wrong say you thought you were having a nightmare.

10. "Look, if you insist on me being part of this, let me at least get her for a few minutes!"

9. Take pictures. Explain that it was a Kodak moment.

8. Recite Condom Month slogans. i.e. 'Pack you wiener before you bean her.' and 'Wrap you wacker before you pack her.'

7. "Let's make a sandwich!"

6. "Is that hard enough for you?"

5. "I'm going to the water fountain, can I get you anything?"

4. "I think you dropped something."

3. "So, you like to eat at the Y?"

2. Grab your camcorder and ask, "How much do you think they'd pay to see this on Pay-per-view?"

1. "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"
 
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