• We welcome content that is not political, divisive, or offensive. If we feel your content leans this way or has the potential to, it may be removed at any time. A hot pepper forum is not the place for such content. Thank you for respecting the community!

Tell a dumb joke...

WARNING! New Walmart Scam

Here's how this scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the trunk.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their chest almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another store.

You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing.

Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.


I had my wallet stolen September 8th, 9th, 10th, 15th, 17th, 20th, and 24th. Also, October 1st, 3rd, 8th, 15th, 17th, 20th and twice on the 25th.

Then it happened to me three times just yesterday and I probably will have it stolen again this upcoming weekend.

So tell all your friends to be careful
 
A father walks into his son's room and says, "Son, if you masturbate, you'll go blind."

The kid says, "Dad, i'm over here..."
 
Why you never question a drunk....

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
 
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"? The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am ... that's your air freshener."
 
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this? 'Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
 
Doctor : It's a good thing you came in when you did. Bob I have to tell you...you don't have much time.

Bob : What? Well how much time do I have?

Doctor : Ten...

Bob : Ten what? Ten months? Ten weeks?

Doctor : Nine.....
 
Doctor : Bob, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but...you have cancer and alzheimers.

Bob : Well....at least I don't have cancer.
 
what's the difference between a hooker, a lover and a wife???










the hooker says "faster faster!"
the lover says "slower, slower"
the wife says, "beige, i think i'll paint the ceiling beige"

:)
 
JohnJBurfurkle said:
I bet the Blues' house is about as close as most people could actually get to being a living Sitcom.:lol:
Click to expand...

mrs blues and I are both certified loony bin cases that need a team of shrinks around us 24/7. mrs. blues doesn't even drink!
Our dog missylou controls us with her mind.
 
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.

Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top