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Tell a dumb joke...
- Thread starter The Hollyberry Lady
- Start date
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son.what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the Right thing, at the Right time:
PRICELESS
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son.what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the Right thing, at the Right time:
PRICELESS
Oh that was too good Moyboy! And so true too - priceless! Hats off to you, on that last one.
: )
: o
: )
: o
Thanks Holly
I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these organisations:
Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
What they offer is not what I thought 'Service' meant.
Today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
Now I fully understand what all those people are doing to us.
I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these organisations:
Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
What they offer is not what I thought 'Service' meant.
Today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
Now I fully understand what all those people are doing to us.
My joke:
Q. Why does moyboy like to walk into the post office backwards?
A. The above post.
Q. Why does moyboy like to walk into the post office backwards?
A. The above post.
Yeah Moyboy, George Carlin calls it, "Servicing the Customer" (from behind).
: )
: )
A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm,
his mother asks if he has done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he
kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he
feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his
mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any
milk in my cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't
get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any
pork or bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week
you aren't getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat
halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a
smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I"?!!!
: o
his mother asks if he has done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he
kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he
feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his
mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any
milk in my cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't
get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any
pork or bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week
you aren't getting any milk.'
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat
halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a
smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I"?!!!
: o
Biker Walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar
Which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $1000.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
And beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving
Drinks to a meagre looking group of farmers.
'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?
'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who
Gives the hand-jobs?'
'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.'
The old biker replies, 'Well wash your f**ken hands, I want a cheeseburger.'
Which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $1000.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
And beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving
Drinks to a meagre looking group of farmers.
'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?
'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who
Gives the hand-jobs?'
'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.'
The old biker replies, 'Well wash your f**ken hands, I want a cheeseburger.'
Moyboy, did you get that from a text on your phone? If you did, like I did, the pic that went with it really made the joke even funnier. 
What do you do if your Kotex catches fire?
Throw it on the ground and tampon it.
Throw it on the ground and tampon it.
paulky_2000 said:
Funny you should mention that. I once dated Brooke Shields 2 sisters, Maxi and Panty.
Boudreaux rolls up to Thibedeaux's house in a brand new Chevy Caprice. Thibedeaux asks..."Boudreaux, where'd you get 'dat car?"
Beaudreaux responds.."Oh 'dis heah' car? I got 'dis from my gal Clotile! She come by and pick me up in it. We drives out to teh bayou and she pull over. She gets out 'da car and takes off all her clothes. She say to me to takes any 'ting I wants! So I takes 'da car!"
Thibedeaux says.."'dats a smart man! You know 'dem clothes don't fit you no how!"
Beaudreaux responds.."Oh 'dis heah' car? I got 'dis from my gal Clotile! She come by and pick me up in it. We drives out to teh bayou and she pull over. She gets out 'da car and takes off all her clothes. She say to me to takes any 'ting I wants! So I takes 'da car!"
Thibedeaux says.."'dats a smart man! You know 'dem clothes don't fit you no how!"