The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[Yabba]

I'm really not the best when it comes to plating up food ... but at least i can do the drunken bit

Anyway ... cheese burgers, chips and beans, blonde style :





Have to say, my buns tasted crap, all crust and heavy dough ... and the shop bought chillis (birds eye?) were all "burn" and no flavour

Good news is, I have half a crate of beer left to drown my sorrows in ... and blondes sorrows are about as deep as ... urm ... a really shallow thing

All in all I can live with the end result, first real bit of food I've cooked since dentists started playing with my mouth 3 months ago.






































Does this mean I win the drama queen crown? :roll:

¥

 

[texas blues]

NO! But for finally posting you DO get the Hot Blue and Righteous rating! You're blonde? hmmmph. That still gives you a distinct advantage over me. I'm a man.

 

[frydad4]

ALLRIGHT YABBA!!!!!

Looks great! Good lookin char on the veggies, chips and beans looks mighty filling!

Here, the only chips and beans I get come out of a bag and can, respectively.

Way to answer the call. It's not too tough. Welcome to the club!!!

 

[Yabba]

NO!

Knew I should have thrown some tequila in there

Here, the only chips and beans I get come out of a bag and can, respectively.

Damn, glad I live on a third world island

It's not too tough. Welcome to the club!!!

Pretty damn sure I've not made the best dish on this thread, but that's not what it's about, right?


End result : I actually managed to cook something, first time in a long time ... and almost managed to eat it without pain ... that, for me, is an achievement ... thanks

¥

 

[JayT]

So how was the heat. The food looks good. Nice first showing!

 

[Yabba]

The heat was there, but I was really unimpressed with the chillis flavour wise and I won't mention how crap the quality of them was, suffice to say I had to throw half of them away when I opened the packet.

Thanks for the compliment, hopefully next time will be with my own chillis

¥

 

[paulky_2000]

OKAY!!!!

Here's your motivation:

You get home from the grocery....only to find that your neighbors have dropped off their kids for the evening. No problem! You JUST went to the grocery store! However....

As you're putting away all the yummies you purchased (and working in your head what to make for 4 teenage boys for dinner), you realize that there isn't enough ROOM in the freezer for everything you bought! *GASP!*

As you look at what you purchased...and what you already HAVE....you come to a desperate descision....

PIZZA SAMMICH!!!

I took a Tombstone extra cheese pizza.....a frozen pizza crust......a packet of "marinara" sauce leftover (and unopened) from a box of cheese sticks.....romano, parmesean, and hab cheddar.....and some frozen pepperoni:

Then.......

 

[JayT]

Alright I have had enough of the non-activity of this thread. I was going to make this it's own thread, but the Drunken Chef needs a jumpstart so here it is. Margharita Pizza from scratch. I went to my nice little old Italian lady's gourmet foods store and bought some imported 00 flour and some fresh mozzarella balls.

Here's the dough in action:

And rising:

I usually let it rise for 24 hours in the fridge, but I was pressed for time. I did make a second batch that IS rising in the fridge.
Here's the pizza before pizza before the baking. Dough, olive oil, fresh mozza, thinly sliced garden tomatoes, and jalapeno on mine.

 

[paulky_2000]

Turn one pizza over ON TOP of the other......and drizzle with extra virgin olive oil, some Italian seasoning, and black pepper:

Toss in a 400 degree oven for 15 minutes......and:

GIGGITY!!

 

[paulky_2000]

Hey JAY.......

EAT THIS!!!!

Great minds......

 

[JayT]

Now right now TB is calling foul for no booze. Au contraire mon fraire!!!

That is Crystal Head vodka with tonic and lime. It's hot here.

Now Mrs. JayT's pizza same as mine without the jalapenos

A little torn basil on top. And mine.

I know it's not authentic to do this, but I added some granulated garlic just 'cause I like it.

 

[JayT]

That looks good Paul, but I am on a quest to learn to make a perfect NY style pie. I am still working on the dough.

 

[paulky_2000]

Jay...I'm diggin' the pizza AND the Crystal Head!!!!!

WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bought one to display with my Blair's collection. It's SO COOL!!!!

 

[JayT]

When it's empty it's going to be my pepper vodka bottle. It's pretty good too btw.

 

[texas blues]

Jay and Paul as I see it get the WIN! Paul, you lose ten points for using premade pizza (strictly verboten in Drunken Chef) but get +10 for ingenuity. Jay, you lose a point for that sorry excuse for basil on the margarita. Put some BASIL on there!!! But you get a plus 10 on going for the original crust and using the 00 flour. You both get the hot blue and righteous.

 

[paulky_2000]

When it's empty it's going to be my pepper vodka bottle. It's pretty good too btw.

That'll be very apropriate!

Jay and Paul as I see it get the WIN! Paul, you lose ten points for using premade pizza (strictly verboten in Drunken Chef) but get +10 for ingenuity. Jay, you lose a point for that sorry excuse for basil on the margarita. Put some BASIL on there!!! But you get a plus 10 on going for the original crust and using the 00 flour. You both get the hot blue and righteous.

Thanks, TB!

Since I was cooking for 4 teen couch-potatoes....I am honored!!

God bless college dorm-logic!!

 

[JayT]

Yep that was clearly a frathouse creation if I ever saw one Paul!

TB, don't I get any points for the red jalapeno? What about the Crystal Head bottle? C'mon don't be stingy with the points man!

 

[paulky_2000]

Jay...that looked SO simple...and SO good!!

AWESOME use of fresh tomatoes!

(I have several sitting on my kitchen counter right NOW!!)

Gonna make BAT's(Bacon Avocado and Tomato) later this week!!!

 

[paulky_2000]

Here's one worth posting.....

Country-style pork RIBS!!

These things are MONSTERS!!

Let's start them out with a homemade dry rub: (kinda sweet-hot/salty with LOTS of garlic!)

All happy and ready to go!

Ohhhh YEAH!

................

 

[paulky_2000]

All wrapped up and ready for a chill in the fridge to get happy....

Later, they'll go in a medium heat oven to get tender...and then out to the grill for the big finish!



We now return you to your regularly scheduled beer already in progress....