As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.
standbyandfire
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I don't trust anyone who doesn't have stacks of unopened mail on their kitchen table.
Accidentally took one of my wife's multi-vitamins and now my 2 year old is worried I'm going to get a "Toot Toots".
I just bought underpants at the liquor store.
My dog just took a major Lance Armstrong.
I've tried feeding these Sea Monkeys like an entire banana and they won't eat. Just floating around on their backs like idiots.
I've tried feeding these Sea Monkeys like an entire banana and they won't eat. Just floating around on their backs like idiots.
Never trust an airline pilot with an angry neck tattoo.
Just spent five minutes watching people try to use the grocery store self checkout. Now I'm on my way to surrender to China.
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning and bacon, fresh cantaloupe, too. No dairy.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like"Well I'm bored lets go brush our teeth."
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
I enjoy the force like my toast - alittle on the Dark Side.
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
Spoiler Alert: You drive a Honda Civic, not an epic Dragon. You don't need a giant wing on the back. Knock that crap off.
To the lady with 6 kids at Walmart, If yu're wondering how those condoms got in yu're cart...Yu're Welcome
Whats the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
I told my wife i wanted breakfast in bed. She said go sleep in the kitchen.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both Get married. -
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