According to US FDA standards, 1 cup of orange juice is allowed to contain 10 fruit fly eggs, but only 2 maggots.
standbyandfire
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SUPPORT BACTERIA, they're the only culture some people have.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I miss my EX...... But my aim is getting better.
When will my dog get the hint that my leg "just wants to be friends".
Silence is golden.....duck tape is silver.
Why do we feel safe under blanks? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking " I'am gonna ki...- ahh damn! He's under a blanket."
When i'm bored, I send a text message to a random number saying " I hid the body, now what?"
How do you get a sweet little 80-year old lady to say the F-word? Get another sweet little 80-year old lady to yell "BINGO!"
When in a crowded elevator,say loudly: " I hope i fixed it this time.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend-USMC
No matter how bad it gets, i'am rich at the dollar store.
And how can a SLIM chance and a FAT chance be the same.
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
The shinebone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Never, under any cicumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I found a great way to attract money.....work!
he's busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest
storm blew in - raining like cow pissing on a flat rock
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