Burgers? Hell Yeah!!

Hey y'all looking through the sacred THP scrolls it is apparent that most awesome of foods is sorely neglected. That's right chidren's, I'm talkin' about BURGERS!! Sliders. Pub burgers. Fast food style burgers. Gastro burgers. Cheffy burgers. CHEESEBURGERS!!! Single and double meat. Triple meat. Extreme burgers. Man vs. Food burgers....the list is endless but y'all get the idea.

We won't go into the endless arguments of who created the first hamburger (Fletcher Davis) or what meat qualifies as a burger. Nonetheless....here are the rules for posting in this soon to be awesome thread:

1. Any meat goes. Beef, chicken, pork, lamb, rat, fish. Whatever, hunt it down and kill it with a knife. Its all good and I've included the options other than the traditional beef so all the kids can play in the pool. If its ground and round, its all good.

2. The damn 'thang has to be between 2 slices of bread or bun. White bread. Brioche. Sourdough. English muffin. Whole wheat. Its got to be bready. No wrap crap or wild pizza dough like chingaderra's.

3. Any cooking method goes. Grilled. Broiled. Griddled. Steamed. Deep fried. Zippo lighter.

4. Because I love to ridicule to no end tree hugging granola wimps and hippy's.....
Veggie burgers are all good. Just be prepared for the woe and gnashing of teeth and smack talk that will soon come if you post it. It will be all in fun and all good.

5. You suck at cooking? The only thing that would suck more is if you posted pics of your restaurant burger. For the sake of keeping the comedy rolling...
Any burger you didn't cook or you bought is allowed and is all good. Warning: while allowed, posting pics of BK burgers or their ilk with a splash of tabasco will bring upon you the most ridicule and insults. Even more than a veggie burger!

6. Chile's and/or hotsauce is mandatory on the burger. ON the burger, no crap on the side.

7. Pics are mandatory. No posting about a burger you made or ate without pics. You will suffer extreme ridicule and experience much loathing. Just don't do it.

8. Include a list of condiments and toppings. Mayo. Mustard. Onions. Cheese. Extract of male baboon spermatazoa. Whatever. Post it.

There it is y'all. Can you get down brown with it? Allrighty then...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Here's mine. Sliders. 80/20 ground chuck from Matador Meat Market, Frisco, Tx. Cooked over fine diced yellow onions in cast iron using the smash technique. Toasted Pepperidge Farm slider buns with mustard, the onions, dill pickle and jalapeno pickle slices. Kraft brand American Plastic Cheese.

Adult beverages are encouraged in the pics but not mandatory. Dig that awesome cast iron crust sear!

So bring on your burgers. And that means those damn Aussie's and their stinkin' beet root too!!

 

[texas blues]

"Nurse! We need a 12" Lodge Cast Iron pan for this man STAT!!!"
 
Good lookin' meltiness there FO.
 
Hope you saved me one.
 
But no bbq sauce or Franks on mine por favor.

 

[JoynersHotPeppers]

Suck it!
 

 

 

[texas blues]

Have mercy!
 
That is mouthfisting pieholing material of the finest sort!
 
Cheesus.

 

[thirdcoasttx]

"Nurse! We need a 12" Lodge Cast Iron pan for this man STAT!!!"
 
Good lookin' meltiness there FO.
 
Hope you saved me one.
 
But no bbq sauce or Franks on mine por favor.

Just picked up a lodge 12" on sale for 14.99 gonna break it in tomorrow, doin up some ribs, fajitas, and charro beans today.

 

[JayT]

Cast Iron is the best thing ever for cooking.  300 million people can't be wrong.  If only I was allowed to use mine.
 
That being said, venison burgers coming soon.

 

[texas blues]

Sweet!
 
I got sliders coming tonight!

 

[The Hot Pepper]

Cast Iron is the best thing ever for cooking.  300 million people can't be wrong.  If only I was allowed to use mine.
 
That being said, venison burgers coming soon.

 
Parchment paper between glass cooktop and cast iron pan. Use Reynold's, it's coated. It will slide on the cooktop if you move the pan, and adds extra cushion/protection.
 
To be extra safe just don't move the pan. You don't need to with CI anyway.
 
No excuses Jay. Break out the CI!

 

[texas blues]

 I gotz teh cast iron right here y'all.
 
I was goin' to grind my own beef but got busy and so got some 85/15 Nolan Ryan beefage.
 
 About 1 ounce or slightly more loose meat balls, smashed with onion and fresno chile and kosher salt.
 
That's it.
 

 
Ever 'thang was goin' whoop ass fast.
 
This was the flip after about 45 seconds.
 

 
Slapped 'em on some toasted white little squishy buns and nuthin' more.
 

 
No mayo. No ketchup. No mustard. No tomato, lettuce, pickles or foo foo. No nuthin' else.
 
I love cheese on my burger but with this sheeit you don't need it or want it.
 
All by its lonesome its goodern' hell y'all!
 

 
The onion compliments the beef perfectly but I could have used more fresno to crank up the spiceenescxt.
 
It was still pretty dang for true incredible.
 
You can't buy a burger of any kine' that will ever be as good as one like this that you make at home y'all.
 
I ain't lyin'.
 
 
 
True story.

 

[texas blues]

I got to do this again y'all.
 
I can't help myself sometimes.
 
Toasted squishy buns with sliced roma, pickled xalapa's, mustard splooge.
 

 
Black Betty'fied  with thin sliced onion and splooges of mustard ala In-N-Out style.
 

 
Turned this sheeit quick for more pinknessessess.
 

 
Nuthin' else on here needed and why would you want to....
 
And damn.
 
This is like picking up your prom date and then seeing her mother is so got damn good lookin'!
 

 
Have mercy!
 
goodern' hell just ain't enough to describe it.

 

[JayT]

CAREFUL TB, you keep posting these beautiful creatures and the hippies might come and take your card.

 

[texas blues]

CAREFUL TB, you keep posting these beautiful creatures and the hippies might come and take your card.

 
Hippy chicks love me.
 
All other hippy's fear me.
 
I ain't scared.
 
And the hippy chicks love me 'cuz I make those sliders lika' teh secks.

 

[Penny]

Those burgers look delish...nice!

 

[texas blues]

Muchas gracias Penny for the kudos but I have to say...
 
While these sliders were dern good they don't even come close to being as good as if I ground my own 80/20 blend from fresh chuck.
 
I highly recommend that ever body try that at least once and experience the difference in flavor and quality.
 
Its an epiphany.
 
I heard that back in the day that Jesus ran a little burger stand in Jerusalem.
 
Yup.
 
Fresh ground chuck is what he used. 
 
I heard that he had a dozen guy's always hangin' out with Him just for the burgers.
 
 
 
True story.

 

[Penny]

So your 80/20 blend consists of what? Everyone always uses different meats, but yours do sound good!

 

[The Hot Pepper]

Is that a double post? Ohh nope. It's TB posting burgers two days in a row. Is TB back????

So your 80/20 blend consists of what? Everyone always uses different meats, but yours do sound good!

Beef. 80% meat, 20% fat.

 

[Penny]

Is that a double post? Ohh nope. It's TB posting burgers two days in a row. Is TB back????


Beef. 80% meat, 20% fat.

 
 
Thanks,

 

[The Hot Pepper]

as if I ground my own 80/20 blend from fresh chuck.
 
I highly recommend that ever body try that at least once and experience the difference in flavor and quality.

A course grind is always best for burgers. And yup unless you have a good butcher, usually it is not course. I think Booma (or someone) posted some sick course grind burgers back a few pages. The medium grind is good, but the fine/spaghetti looking grind is horrible for burgers. Horrible!!! It just becomes mush.

Nice work TB.

 

[texas blues]

Gracias THP.
 
Penny ~ Here is exactly how I do it when I grind my own beef which is chuck steak/roast.
 
Check out George's smash technique.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RykDiZnCKrA

 

[The Hot Pepper]

TB, I ain't got no issue with the smashburger, they start with a loose meatball and smash the raw side, into a patty. The no-no smashing is when it's already a patty, you flip it once, and smash the cooked side down squeezing all the juice out. Some people do this out of being bored and just staring at the burger when it's cooking, thinking they have to do something to it. Leave it alonnnne! But the smashburger technique is different. I dig. And I've done. Before it was all the rage, lol.

 

[JayT]

I haz venison burgers.  I took about a lb of ground venison and sprinkled it with sea salt, cracked black pepper, garlic, Joyner's Caribbean Chocolate blend, and a dash of worcestershire.  I balled them up into four balls.  I sliced up two jalapenos (I wanted to use onions too, but turned out I had none, and didn't feel like going to the stoh), mashed the venison into a hot pan with just a spash of canola oil, mashed the jalapeno slices into them and let cook for about a minute.  I flipped them and topped with pepperjack.  Toasted some buns, spread them with a little mayo, then the burger, then a little bacon, and a nice splooge of spicy bbq sauce.  Voila.  Nice tasty venison with some kick.