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JOKE TIME!!!!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.
 
No. This is what they do with their dead!
meal_time.jpg
 
Why is 77 better than 69? Because you get 8 more.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, " I guess we answered that question!"
 
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents!"
 
Town drunk walks into the bar, smiling from ear to ear. He orders and pays for a beer and a shot. A few minutes go by and he orders another beer and a shot, still smiling as big as can be. The bartender brings him a beer. As he's pouring his shot, he looks up and says, "What's with the smile". Drunk answers, "Last night when I was walking home from here, I walked by a woman all tied up on the train tracks. It was just like in the old time movies. Since I saved her life I suggested we go back to my place, and she didn't argue. She had the most amazing body I've ever seen. We did it all over my house. On the washer, the kitchen table, the living room floor. Everywhere"! Bartender askes if was pretty or just had a great body, and the drunk responds, "I don't know. I never found her head".
 
1800's and the Captain of a Man of War is standing on the bridge when he hears from the crows nest "Captain, enemy ship on the horrizon." He turns to the Mate standing next to him and says, "Bring me my Red Shirt." The Mate looks at him and says, "excuse me sir?" The captain calmly says, "my red shirt, please" The mate sends down to the captain cabin and the red shirt is brought up. He dons the shirt, the battle is begun and the day is won without any sailors lost. Next morning the captain is again on deck and the mate asks him shy he wanted his red shirt. The captain says that way if I'm shot the men won't know and will continue to fight. About that time from teh crows nest is heard, "Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horrizon." The captain calmly turns to the mate and says, " Bring me my Brown Pants."
 
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