Cow 1 says to cow 2, "So are you worried about that mad cow disease going around again?" and cow 2 says "No, why should I be? I'm a woodchuck."
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JOKE TIME!!!!
- Thread starter bubbaschili
- Start date
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
What do you see when the Pillsbury-dough-boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Doughnuts
What does Cap'n Bones say when he bends over in front of The Pillsbury Dough Boy?
Doh!
Doh!
Who is the Pillsbury-dough-boy?
The administrator..Doh!
The administrator..Doh!
He's the Texan in imaguitargod's post, lol.
Whoa! Hey I caught that before it was edited..Haahaa
thehotpepper.com said:
Where's Tina when we need her... someone stop the insanity!
Hey Admin, I've found the perfect job for ya.
The local bait shop is hiring for a upper management position. They need a Master Baiter....
The local bait shop is hiring for a upper management position. They need a Master Baiter....
She's researching dead baby jokes on the net...speaking of which....thehotpepper.com said:
Cap said:
I just called them and you anwered the phone
Heeheeimaguitargod said:
Now this really scares me...I want to know who the person was that actually overheard this conversation.
It was me. Don't you know I keep a very close eye on the conversations and moooovements of those bovines in the Cowspiracy...Cap said:
> Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally
dropped
> some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick
them
> up, he
> noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.
> Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head
on
> the table and merged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to
get
> some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, did you see
anything
> that you liked under there?
> Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well
> indeed he
> did.
> She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After
> taking a
> minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer,
> John
> confirms that he is interested.
> She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons
> and John
> doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
> When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM
> sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the
> bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed
> and left.
> As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering
the
> house,
> asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
> With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by
for
> few
> minutes this afternoon."
> Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
"And
> did he
> give you $500?"
> In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after
> mustering her
> best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
> With a satisfied look on his face, Bill surprised his wife by
saying
> Good I
> was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed
> $500
> from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his
> way
> home and pay me back.
dropped
> some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick
them
> up, he
> noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.
> Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head
on
> the table and merged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to
get
> some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, did you see
anything
> that you liked under there?
> Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well
> indeed he
> did.
> She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After
> taking a
> minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer,
> John
> confirms that he is interested.
> She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons
> and John
> doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
> When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM
> sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the
> bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed
> and left.
> As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering
the
> house,
> asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
> With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by
for
> few
> minutes this afternoon."
> Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
"And
> did he
> give you $500?"
> In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after
> mustering her
> best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
> With a satisfied look on his face, Bill surprised his wife by
saying
> Good I
> was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed
> $500
> from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his
> way
> home and pay me back.
How can you tell an Irishman from a Scotman?
Look under the kilt, if it 's a quarter-pounder, it's a McDonald.
Look under the kilt, if it 's a quarter-pounder, it's a McDonald.
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet paper and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."