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JOKE TIME!!!!

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"
 
What's the difference between a truck load of dead badies and a truck load of bowling balls...




You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
What do Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?




they both wear white gloves, they both have a amusement park in their backyard, they're both black and white, they both love kids, they both have f***ed up noses, they both wear tight clothes, and they both have a high pitched voice.
 
How many dead babies does it take to paint a house...

Depends on how hard you throw them.



What present do you get a dead baby?

A dead puppy.
 
Two ropes are bar-hopping in the city one night, they go into a bar and climb onto one of the stools. The bartender asks, "Hey, are you guys ropes?". They reply that they are, the bartender yells, "We don't serve ropes in here, GET OUT!". They go to another bar and the same thing happens. One rope, completely demoralized wants to call it a night. The other rope says to him, "Well get in the next bar, just follow my lead". The rope ties one end and teases out the strands, so as to look like hair. He walks into the bar, climbs up on the stool, and the bartender asks, "Hey, are you a rope?", he replies, "Why no, I'm a-frayed knot".
 
I've been to Cuba several times. No joke, it's a beautiful place with very friendly locals. To bad it's run by a Dicktater.
 
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