The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[salsalady]

Pauly's oven thermometer-

My oven thermometer-

Now, in self defense...my oven thermometer looked like Pauly's before we started cooking on the BBQ grill making these-

It all started when I decided to do a prime rib on the grill. I had to have something to monitor the temp on the grill, but what I didn't count on was all the splattering greases that baked on to the thermometer!



and yes, cast iron on the grill to roast meats works GREAT!

 

[megamoo]

Pauly what did your arteries do that made you go to war against them?

 

[paulky_2000]

Pauly's oven thermometer-

My oven thermometer-

Retta got me that for Christmas.....so it's barely a month old!

Pauly what did your arteries do that made you go to war against them?

I dunno.....but it was WELL worth it!!

Here we GOOOOOOOOoooooo!!!!

Dis is what the carnitas looked like after an 8 hour lard bath:

Broke'em up a bit and spread on a pan what was left after Retta attacked the pile with hungry vengence...(yeah...it was THAT good!)

BACK into the oven for a tan:

Came out looking like.....THIS!!

....to be continued.

 

[paulky_2000]

My Retta.....making her killer Guac!!!

Oh yes....there can be only one!!!

Some sauteed onions....just because I CAN!

.....aaaaaaannnd; It's time to EAT!!!!

.....dot dot dot.

 

[paulky_2000]

Let's build some grub, shall we?

Okay....that was killer......how about ANOTHER????

Repeat.....repeat....repeat.....

You get the idea.

Bottom line? I loved making carnitas. I'll probably change-up a bit next time and flash-fry the meat instead of using the broiler.....but other than that?

PERFECTION!!!!!!

Peace-Out.

 

[texas blues]

WOW.....an entire page of pics and not one HAS ANY STINKIN' BOOZE IN IT!!!!

 

[geeme]

A definite FAIL for this thread.... Pauly, Pauly, Pauly.......

 

[paulky_2000]

Thanks guys.

 

[Yabba]

Apart from the lack of booze ( at least you marinated the pork in Newky Brown, so that *sorta* counts ) that looks pretty damned good! I'm gonna have to try these myself, now I know what they are

¥

 

[paulky_2000]

You people obviously haven't seen beer in a while. There's not booze in every damn photo, but it was there.

If that's not good enough I'll delete the photos and move it to another thread.

 

[Yabba]

Just in case that was aimed at me, fret not, I've followed enough of your threads to realise that you rarely breathe without a beer

¥

 

[geeme]

You people obviously haven't seen beer in a while. There's not booze in every damn photo, but it was there.

If that's not good enough I'll delete the photos and move it to another thread.

So sensitive...... wah.

Well, f* the beer - the carnitas look awesome!

 

[logchief]

OMG Paulky, now I'm afraid to post, screw my chicken enchiladas verde I'm makin. Mrs. Logs can have them, gemme the PORK

Fantastic Job Paul, love that crispy outside finish.

 

[logchief]

Well now that I'm deflated by that PORK awesomeness, I'm gonna press forward anyway with the Chicken Enchiladas Verde

Here is a starter, more to come later

 

[frydad4]

Sweet!!!
Hey Log, me and Sum are simultaneously drunken cheffing with you!!!!

It's freezing ass cold here, temps just dropped into the low 60's. So we busted out the sweaters, electric blankets, old crow, and Busch Light.

Just got a new keg of PBR for wall-beer, but my CO2 ran out. Damn!

Breakin out some Jamaican Jerk Chicken Patties, and calypso music, to make us think warm thoughts (not of each other, we got ladies...)

Expect these pics to deteriorate as our consumption improves.

FD

 

[logchief]

Outstanding, let's Rock and Roll. More pics coming. I love a party.

 

[frydad4]

We are beers-deep into the night.

Glad to have you on board log. I just poured you a busch light, and if you don't drink it within the hour, we're gonna give it to my wife (but tell her it's new).

Hurry.

 

[logchief]

I'm hammering that puppy, but you can give the busch to the wife cause it's Keystone all the way. Never been an Anheiser/Busch product in this house. Back to rollin chiledas.

Lookin forward to the Jerk stuff.

 

[frydad4]

Keystones don't really make it here in large quantities.
I mean, we can get it, but it's not in abundance the way we need our beer to be.

 

[Deathtosnails]

Paulky, don't worry 'bout the downers. Like you said, there doesn't have to be beer in every photo to prove you are drinking. With out your posts this thread would have half the drunken fun-ness it does. BTW, If I ever come to the US, I'm coming to your house and I want a F'ire tr'UCK load of those Carnitas!!!

Woohoo, looking foward to some more drunken cheffin to come...looks like more Mex and some SoFlo Jerk Chicken maybeez