The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[Rawkstah]

Lets see if i can do this right/.… 
 
first of all.. urrybuddy should be doin' tbe dlow shuffle, Chi town represeeeennnttt! (i'm super drunk right now)

Now after you get that down get back in the kitchen and keep an eye on yo' crawfish etouffee!
 
make yo' self some stock with the shells of the crawdads

 
Make sure you gots some Taki's n' beerz while yous waitin'

 
Touch some bewbs

 
Make sure Yuki is content

 
then after you've mastered the Dlow shuffle, eat yo' crawfish etouffee, n' stomp like you mad.

 

 

[JayT]

Just like I said earlier, I hate and love you at the same time.  Rock on Rawkstah.

 

[Nulle]

What a beautiful dog

 

[texas blues]

Me no likey crawfish.
 
But I'll have what Yuki's drankin'!

 

[geeme]

Rawk that looks awesome!
 

Me no likey crawfish.

WHAT?!?!?!???????    Ok, "The TB" is no more. He just got demoted to tb. In fact, he just got stripped of his 't' even, so now he's just b.   
A guy from Tejas who digs on shrimps but doesn't like crawfish..... MIND BLOWN.

 

[texas blues]

Rawk that looks awesome!
 
WHAT?!?!?!???????    Ok, "The TB" is no more. He just got demoted to tb. In fact, he just got stripped of his 't' even, so now he's just b. 

 
First off, I'm hungarian.
 
The spices used in crawfish boils taste awful to me. Zatarain's. Old Bay. Tony C's.
 
I fear and loathe it all.
 
Secondly, crawfish taste muddy to me. Always have. Which is just another reason to call them mud bugs.
 
Rawk made that etouffee look goodern' hell but it ain't my 'thang.

 

[geeme]

LOL - I knew that would get a response almost as fast as rabbits have sex.
 
And yeah, I'm not a fan of packaged seasonings at all, mostly because (of course) they have the dreaded BP in them. (And let's be honest, BP isn't Cajun/Creole, anyway - they know how to use the good red stuff.)
 
Muddy - huh. They certainly do have a flavor different from other crustaceans, but I wouldn't call it "muddy." Maybe you got some that weren't cleaned too well. Dunno.

 

[texas blues]

LOL - I knew that would get a response almost as fast as rabbits have sex.
 
And yeah, I'm not a fan of packaged seasonings at all, mostly because (of course) they have the dreaded BP in them. (And let's be honest, BP isn't Cajun/Creole, anyway - they know how to use the good red stuff.)
 
Muddy - huh. They certainly do have a flavor different from other crustaceans, but I wouldn't call it "muddy." Maybe you got some that weren't cleaned too well. Dunno.

 
Last year when I was working at the restaurant the owner was doing between 60 & 80 pounds a day during the mardi gras weeks. He'd use differnt' crab boils + old bay + other junk he wouldn't say. It smelled awful. The bugs came from a big ole' cajun guy from NOLA that sets up shop around Big D for the occasion. Tasting them was an unpleasant experience. Made me want to gag and the texture was all over the place as the dude waaaay overcooked em. All you could taste were the spices and the mud hint was in the back ground. That was it. I spit mine out. Tasted just the same to me as they did 40 years ago when I first had'em. 
Then again that guy, the owner, knew very little about actual cooking. Tried to help the guy out but it was a wasted effort.
 
I'll stick to mah' shrimps.

 

[thirdcoasttx]

Well I guess this is the perfect time to post this. Heres what we did yesterday! Crawfish, corn, taters, gulf shrimp and of course v&v sausage. I shouldn't have to mention the bud light was flowin all day!

 

[frydad4]

It drinks easier when you open the can...
 
(haha)
 
Sounds like a fine meal!!

 

[thirdcoasttx]

It drinks easier when you open the can...
 
(haha)
 
Sounds like a fine meal!!

I had to set the open one down to take the pic!

 

[Rawkstah]

It took me an hour to shell and clean those suckers, maybe there's a trick that this northerner isn't privy to…. thats when it went from just cooking dinner to I should probably be drinking while I shell these bastidz.  Well the "a little crazy" ale is 6.8%, I weigh 115lbs and hadn't eaten… It was all downhill, from there.  I needed to go on a beer run by 7, which is only 2 blocks away, but managed to take me 40 min, when my dogs and I stumbled into a hand drum shop that according to the owner has been at the end of my street for 4 years (dude needs a better sign).
 
 
 
 
 
 
Flash forward to this morning, 
My neighbors are using power tools outside. 

 

[sicman]

nice looking yorky. looks like my little sweet dookie. thats what mine does also stares at the door.
 
 
 
go yuki

 

[thirdcoasttx]

Etouffe sounds good right about now but there ain't enough leftovers to bother with it!
nice looking yorky. looks like my little sweet dookie. thats what mine does also stares at the door.
 
 
 
go yuki

That's Chewie one of my old mans yorkies. He's abnormally big for a dorkie but him, his mother and father are certified purebreds he's cool as hell tho.

 

[texas blues]

More crawfish?
 
ugh!
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFCM6TZgTMI

 

[JayT]

Crawfish rock, nevermind TB, he has been hangin' out with Chico too long, the one you really need to ask is AJ! 

 

[The Hot Pepper]

TB is right they taste of mud.

geeme is right in that means they were not cleaned properly. It's called purging. It flushes the mud out.

http://www.wikihow.com/Purge-Crawfish

Nice plate Rawk!

 

[muskymojo]

I like to catch and eat crawfish (we call em crayfish here up nort). They don't taste muddy at all, but the lakes I get them from are crystal clear and cold. They are also a different species (I think). They taste like lobster. It's no wonder why the ones down south taste like mud. The water there is downright nasty for the most part. I would like to try a Cajun style boil though. I usually just boil em and dip the tails in melted butter. They're also great chilled for a lobster roll type sammie.

 

[texas blues]

TB is right they taste of mud.

geeme is right in that means they were not cleaned properly. It's called purging. It flushes the mud out.

http://www.wikihow.com/Purge-Crawfish

Nice plate Rawk!

 
Not once ever have I seen anyone do either a salt purge or a water purge on the mudbugs.
 
The owner of the restaurant surely never did. 
 
And sometimes the bags came in already stinkin'!
 
In Alaska come spring time we'd go down to Deep Creek or Clam Gulch and dig up buckets of big razor clams.
 
They'd be full of sand so you'd bringem' back in either a bucket full of salt water or a cooler with the same.
 
Throw in a handful or 2 of corn meal and leave 'em alone for a day or two and they'd siphon out all the sand with the cornmeal as the medium.
 
Messy as hell and a lot of work but so dang worth it. 
 
Needed only a couple of trips and you could fill your freezer and mao on clam strips and chowder all year long.
 
Alaska is awesome.

 

[thirdcoasttx]

I learned the hard way to purge them. The first time I did crawfish it was absolutely terrible. If you purge and wash the crap out of em they are damn good!