The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
Guatemalan Insanity Pepper said:
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BBQ pulled pork sammy
 
:cheers:
 
 
But wait.
 
Theres more!
 
Look at the center of the second pic.
 
Now tilt your head 90 degrees to the right.
 
I see a woman's severed legs.
 
Separated from the woman's torso.
 
That has a giant penis.
 
I ain't makin' this shit up y'all!
 
Look at it!!!!!!
 
GIP.
 
You sick bastard.
 
What's next for you?
 
Drunken grave robbery?
 
You need to leave that alone.
 
For professionals.
 
That know what they're doin'.
 
C'mon maaan.
 
Who do you think.
 
Started this thread?
 
texas blues said:
 
 
But wait.
 
Theres more!
 
Look at the center of the second pic.
 
Now tilt your head 90 degrees to the right.
 
I see a woman's severed legs.
 
Separated from the woman's torso.
 
That has a giant penis.
 
I ain't makin' this shit up y'all!
 
Look at it!!!!!!
 
GIP.
 
You sick bastard.
 
What's next for you?
 
Drunken grave robbery?
 
You need to leave that alone.
 
For professionals.
 
That know what they're doin'.
 
C'mon maaan.
 
Who do you think.
 
Started this thread?
 
uhhhm  :eek:
 
wut
 
I can't even see anything you said in the most abstract form 
i tried
i don't see any of that  :lol:
maybe i need less  :beer:  and more  :high:
 

MikeUSMC

Extreme Member
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I quit cooking after I saw that tortilla last night, lol. Swaying back and forth at the stove should've been my first clue to stop :rofl: I ended up eating some chips instead, hahaha
:drunk:
 

MikeUSMC

Extreme Member
Not really a recipe.

More like drunken pie hole stuffage.

Brisket. (Mas pics mañana)

Smoked overnight.

Last night.

8:30pm - 10:30am.

Over charcoal.

And chunks of cherry wood.

Pile that stuff on a roll.

And thats it.

This aint no five star joint.

Its yer kitchen.

And its late.

And yer hammered anyway.

No fucks given.

Right?

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Suicide by brisket sammie.

Courtesy of the Warrant Man.

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Mouth fist that shit!

Like theres no tomorrow.

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Whered you go?!

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¡Uno mas, por favor!

Truth is.

I smashed TWO more brisket sammies, while making this post.

Because new phones.

They take some getting used to.

And they suck.

But ono still grinds.

Today is my first day.

Of the last year of my 30s.

Get drunk.

Briskets a helluva drug.

Butt Rocket.

:cheers:
 

Shorerider

Staff Member
Moderator
Extreme Member
Looks great, Mike and happy belated birthday mate!!!
:bday:  :cheers:  :metal:
 
Goddamn this forum died off. Not cool. 
 
Hellskitchen presents.... a night on the piss, ft. the Weber, the full moon, some random meat, and Hellskitchen's  own crop of chillis. 
 
Harvested my first ghost pepper, and the bastard had me hiccuping from merely a touch on its inside. Went into chicken wing marinade. 
 
No store bought cayenne pepper powder this time, but all my own goods. 
 
 
 
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Harry_Dangler

Extreme Member
Damn .... Looks great .... I'd have been pissed drunk and ready to make a beer run by the time I grilled all that.  
 

salsalady

Business Member
It was never dead....Just in quarantine..... :Lol:
 
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