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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
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texas blues said:
Got damn.
 
I said GOT DAMN!
 
Who else could do such a 'thang?
 
Japanese hosky.
 
Beer can chix.
 
Mangos.
 
Garlic naan.
 
Schredded mozz.
 
Full on man taco right there.
 
Riddle me this Batman.
 
Why is SoFlo so f**king good all the f**king time?
 
My riff on it is that SoFLo is like the hottest blonde that keeps sayin' no.
 
But really means yes.
 
And then begs for it.
 
And then after...
 
Slaps you across the face like your mama did when you got outta' line at the grocery store.
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He's in preseason form obviously, no silly bands, no man gravy.
SumOfMyBits said:
 
Last I heard, that guy was in Russia.
 
Don't ask...
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I heard he got on a crab boat trying to be on "Deadliest Catch", he made it a couple days and then mauled a dude between strings when the guy broke out a bag of pizza flavored Combos.  Next thing you knew they dropped him off on an iceberg and that was the last anyone saw of him.
 
I got a postcard from Bear not too long ago sayin' something about a family member who was framed... something about buried and woods... a lot of it was redacted.
 
I think the CIA has coerced him into working for them.
 
Interesting, because I noticed a fresh pile of skat in my back yard last weekend by the old avocado tree that has a bee-hive in it. 
 
frydad4 said:
Interesting, because I noticed a fresh pile of skat in my back yard last weekend by the old avocado tree that has a bee-hive in it. 
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Then that Indian chick who showed up at my door this morning insisting that Bear was in town could have been right. Fresh scat means he was there 48 hours ago, at most.
 
Bear, that guy.
 
texas blues said:
 
Signature worthy senor.
 
I reckon that is me.
 
I like to be liking tortilla strangeness. 
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 tortilla strangeness  is going in the band name thread  , as soon as I figure out what kind of music they play.. 
 
Haven't posted in a while, and this will never beat my baja mama hot pickled sausage post, but here's some drunken cookin' for you.  First you drink a couple of Lagunitas Night Time Ales, then you preheat your oven to 450 degrees. 
 
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Then you take 1 jumbo jalapeno and finely dice it, and do the same with 1/3 of an onion.  Using the cutting board you previously constructed out of oak and maple totally helps.
 
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Then you take a shot of cheap vodka and pull one of these out of the freezer.
 
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Then you take another shot and evenly spread the peppers and onions over the super awesome pizza frozen in a box.  Apply liberal amounts of garlic powder.
 
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Place in oven on your pizza stone.  See the light rays? It's like heaven is shining down upon your meal and blessing it with awesomeness.
 
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Wait 15 minutes or so and then enjoy!  Don't forget the box makes a whimsical serving tray!
 
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DS that just looks fantastic!
I bet the juxtaposition of the soft roasted peppers and onions with the buttery flakiness of the crust was simply delightful!
Factor that in with the smokiness of the meat and the tang of the tomato sauce (just the right amount)...
and it's all brought together harmoniously with the biting creaminess of the mozzarella and parmesan blend. 
Artisan!!
 
Bear, that guy….. of course he's back. The polar bears prolly whupped him good, not wanting him to steal any of the moolah they're making from the global warming scam. 
 
 
Man, I thought I was in the "Pimp my cheap-a$$ pizza" thread for a minute there. Then I remembered all's fair in food love and drunkeness. Drunken chef approved!  :party:
 
 
Fiddy…….. I'd think you were drunk but the spelling is too crisp and clean. Stay away from Bear, that guy, for a few days - since he's been a world traveler, you never know what kind of things he might be harboring in his skat……. fumes and all…..
 
geeme said:
Bear, that guy….. of course he's back. The polar bears prolly whupped him good, not wanting him to steal any of the moolah they're making from the global warming scam. 
 
 
Man, I thought I was in the "Pimp my cheap-a$$ pizza" thread for a minute there. Then I remembered all's fair in food love and drunkeness. Drunken chef approved!  :party:
 
 
Fiddy…….. I'd think you were drunk but the spelling is too crisp and clean. Stay away from Bear, that guy, for a few days - since he's been a world traveler, you never know what kind of things he might be harboring in his skat……. fumes and all…..
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G.
 
You brought up global warming here in DC?
 
WTF?
 
Over at CNN they'd be calling for your head.
 
Myself..
 
You go girl.
 
You rock like a hurricane!
 
geeme said:
Bear, that guy….. of course he's back. The polar bears prolly whupped him good, not wanting him to steal any of the moolah they're making from the global warming scam. 
 
 
Man, I thought I was in the "Pimp my cheap-a$$ pizza" thread for a minute there. Then I remembered all's fair in food love and drunkeness. Drunken chef approved!  :party:
 
 
Fiddy…….. I'd think you were drunk but the spelling is too crisp and clean. Stay away from Bear, that guy, for a few days - since he's been a world traveler, you never know what kind of things he might be harboring in his skat……. fumes and all…..
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I usually cook stuff but I have a weakness for pizza and it doesn't really matter if it's a $2 pizza or a $20 pizza.  I grilled/smoked some burgers tonight and dressed them with homegrown lettuce, onions, jalapenos, cheese, tomatoes, bacon, and Holy Chiptole sauce if that makes you feel any better.  (no pictures)
 
I stopped at my favorite brewery this weekend (Three Floyd's in Munster, Indiana) and picked up a case of Alpha King.  Put a thick pork chop through the sous vide (doused with a smoked habanero powder I made), grilled some purple asparagus (loses the cool purple hue when you cook it), and sauteed some garlic, jalapenos, onion and purple potatoes.  To that I added far too much cheese and cream.  That's the indescernable (though quite delicious) mess.  Add some marinated olives/celery to really make this a party.  Ah, can't forget the tomato basil bread. 
 
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Bierz, welcome to the party. 
Beautiful plate. 
That's the kinda shit you serve up when you're tryin to get lucky....
Then the asparagus takes effect and, as TB has explained, your liquids start to smell funny. 
 
DS I hear ya on the pizza!! I'm like you, give me a cheap one, give me an expensive one. I'll probably like both of them!
Famous words around here on the delicious burger you described...
No pics, didn't happen!...haha tough crowd
 
bierz said:
I stopped at my favorite brewery this weekend (Three Floyd's in Munster, Indiana) and picked up a case of Alpha King.  Put a thick pork chop through the sous vide (doused with a smoked habanero powder I made), grilled some purple asparagus (loses the cool purple hue when you cook it), and sauteed some garlic, jalapenos, onion and purple potatoes.  To that I added far too much cheese and cream.  That's the indescernable (though quite delicious) mess.  Add some marinated olives/celery to really make this a party.  Ah, can't forget the tomato basil bread. 
 
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Nice pic ... I like how the soldiers are gathered 'round ;)
 
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