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Tell a dumb joke...

NO Speak English


A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.


One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.


Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.


On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...



(Please scroll down.)​








What were you
thinking?

Her husband speaks English!

Now get back to your peppers.​


I worry about you
sometimes!**********************************************************************​



: O
 
Dr. : Mr. A?

Mr A : Yeah.. I have been worried sick. Why haven’t you called?

Dr. : Well, I have some bad news and some really, really bad news…

Mr A : Well, just tell me...

Dr. : Your test results showed you have 24 hrs to live. It’s an aggressive infection.

Mr A : If this is the bad news, then what is the really, really bad news??? It can’t be any worse!!!

Dr. : Well, hmm.. I have been trying to contact you since yesterday...


: O
 
The Hollyberry Lady said:
Dr. : Mr. A?

Mr A : Yeah.. I have been worried sick. Why haven’t you called?

Dr. : Well, I have some bad news and some really, really bad news…

Mr A : Well, just tell me...

Dr. : Your test results showed you have 24 hrs to live. It’s an aggressive infection.

Mr A : If this is the bad news, then what is the really, really bad news??? It can’t be any worse!!!

Dr. : Well, hmm.. I have been trying to contact you since yesterday...


: O
Click to expand...

Huh? That was indeed bad news... Guess I don't need to go to work today?
 
The Hollyberry Lady said:


I do see your point, of course.


Even though I am a blonde though, I still find blonde jokes funny. I am not offended at all. Please, do not delete them on my account.
Click to expand...

In that case.... ;)

What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.
 
Save money on hair restorer. Instead simply paint a series of little rabbits on your bald head.



From a distance they look like hares.
 
When God created Man, he stepped back to admire his work and liked what he saw.

Being a perfectionist, he thought he would try to make something better.

So he created Woman.

He stepped back to admire his work and thought, "Ah sod it, she'll just have to use make-up!"
 
notice-2.jpg




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Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'


: )
 
What do you call a stag with one eye?

One eyed deer.

What do you call a stag with no eyes?

No eyed deer.

What do you call a stag with no eyes and no dick?

No f^^king eyed deer.

-----------------------------

What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?

Doug

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pool?

Bob

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russel


What do you call a waitress with one leg?

Eileen

What do you call a waitress with one leg balancing 6 bottles of beer on each arm?

Beatrix
 
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